Educating the Educators

This is a REALLY LONG post, but, it's a fun story. Plus, long posts are okay if you've gone on a months-long hiatus, right?



Today, I tore apart a class of future Student Affairs professionals for silencing people who don’t fit into the gender binary. It was beautiful, but it made me realize how much work we have left to do, even among the people who claim to be on our side. It was a group presentation on how gender roles can affect college students. Some quotes from their handout:


· Sex: “refers to the biological difference between male and female.”
· Gender: “a socially constructed distinction between male and female.”
· “Sex and gender are inseparable; those who are sexual males are normally perceived as gendered men and sexual females are normally perceived as gendered women.”

I am ripping my hair out.

The entire presentation talked about gender using the terms ‘male’ and ‘female,’ and never, even once, acknowledged the possibility of something else. Most of the class was spent getting classmates to talk about times they have been restricted because of their gender. You know, Mommy always made me curl my hair in grade school, that kind of thing. Then, at the end of the presentation, someone mentioned that SOME people ACTUALLY think that gender is fluid, and that genders beyond male and female exist. *GASP* They presented this idea by showing a youtube montage of newscasters freaking out about a couple raising a baby without a gender shoved down its throat, and asked us if we thought this was a bad idea.

I’d had enough, and announced I was going to talk now and had three things to say.

One—even this clip about a baby being raised outside the binary shows how much power the binary has over us. All the clips were ranting about ‘his or her’ parents when the reality is it is THEY who are imposing THEIR politics on this child. Some of you have probably never heard of this, but one in every who-knows-how-many babies are actually born with genitalia that are not distinguishable as male or female, or have characteristics of both—and nine times out of ten, that baby is operated on, without the parents’ knowledge or consent, in order to make them appear more ‘normal.’ Those babies never get a chance; this one does. For all any of us know, this child isn’t even male or female to begin with; sex is NOT a binary.

Two—since sex is not a binary, it stands to reason that gender is not a binary either. Viewing it as a binary silences countless voices you could learn from. I didn’t say anything during our conversation because I haven’t been told I’m not feminine enough; I’ve been told I’m not masculine enough to claim the gender I do. Most of you will look at me and label me as a woman, and that’s your problem, not mine. In reality, I don’t identify as a woman OR a man; I am something called genderqueer, and there are a hundred other words I could throw at you if we had time. Tons of people exist outside the gender binary and are silenced by gender assumptions—like the ones you’ve all presented in this class which is supposed to be ABOUT gender assumptions. I don’t mean to call you out, but no one in your group even MENTIONED transgender or gender variant people in your presentation ABOUT GENDER. Maybe women are less valued than men, but gender variant people are invisible in general society.

Three—sometimes, gender and sex ARE binary concepts, but are not at all related. T—, when you said you had to shovel snow while your sister had to cook breakfast every day, it made me think of my partner. When he was a girl, he had to do things like that too. Yes. I said that. When he transitioned to being a man, his parents taught him how to mow the lawn because that’s what real men do. My partner is accepted as a man by everyone who comes into contact with him because that’s how he presents; we call it “passing” and he is lucky enough to do it consistently. But my partner is female. That’s a binary identity in which sex and gender are not traditionally linked. And that’s only one way gender complicates sexuality. He doesn’t identify with words like queer or straight because all of those words immediately suggest a sex and gender that match for the person using them. Likewise, I don’t identify as a lesbian anymore, because that suggests I am a woman and date women, not a gender-variant person who dates other gender-variant people.

I wanted to share my experiences with you all because, someday, you are going to be working at colleges with gender variant people. You won’t even know they’re in the room sometimes, but we’re everywhere. And, if you all talk the way you talked tonight, you are going to be silencing those students the way that I felt silenced during this class.

This, of course, is a paraphrase; I was more candid and less articulate in class, I’m sure, but I did cover every point mentioned above-- some better than others.

My classroom was dead silent. All eyes were on me, but not in a look-at-the-freak way; in a oh-wow-I-never-thought way.

My professor, who’s pretty fantastic, chided me for not speaking up sooner. I tried to explain that I’d waited on purpose—if I’d just jumped in ranting about feeling oppressed, everyone would’ve been defensive, and the class wouldn’t have had the opportunity to SEE how the silencing works. But she wasn’t satisfied with that and informed me I would be talking more about my experiences next week.

Can’t wait.

The Bi/Trans/Pans Debate: Why Respecting Everyone Matters

I have a lot of queer friends. We have a lot of interesting conversations about identity and legality and how crazy the world is. I recently got to witness a conversation that exemplified, at least to us, why this whole bi-trans debate (you know; does the term ‘bisexual’ negate transfolk and uphold the gender binary?) is really unnecessary. The setup: a lesbian, a bisexual, a pansexual and a transsexual (all terms used generally) walk into the room (we were not at a bar, but you can pretend). The lesbian and bisexual are dating, are both female, and are very affectionate; whenever they get caught in a PDA moment, someone inevitably goes “ewwwwww, lesbians!” At first it was funny, but after a while, the bisexual friend in question starting voicing how this actually made her feel uncomfortable and overlooked because it entirely undermined her bisexual identity. And some people were like, oh right. Our bad. But some other people were like, get over it, you’re a lesbian right now.

Cue the pansexual (female presenting) and transsexual (male presenting), who are also dating and are also fairly affectionate, but get less teasing from the general group. During one of THEIR recent PDA moments, the bisexual friend interjected, “ewwwwww, breeders!” Everyone laughed, but the pansexual girl, who may or may not actually be me, was like, oh hell no. Saying that entirely undermines my queer identity. And people were like, oh right. Our bad.

The bisexual friend said nothing, just let it sink it. One by one, the members of our little group realized that if we’re going to respect one queer’s preferred identity label, we’re going to have to respect another’s, too. We haven’t had our next group get-together yet, but I’m willing to bet there will be far fewer lesbian jokes aimed at my clever bisexual friend.

Moral of the story: There is no queer hierarchy, no right or wrong way to be who you are. We all identify differently because that difference makes us beautiful; respecting that difference makes our friendships beautiful. Don’t overlook identities you don’t understand; you never know when it’s going to come back to you.

Two-Spirit Film Could Win PBS Award

So PBS does this thing called Independent Lens, where they feature and focus on independent films. As far as I understand, once a film is shown, viewers get to vote on what the best one was, and the audience favorite will get special support and recognition from the program. One of the films up is called “Two Spirits.” Need I say more? Probably not. But here are some links if you’re interested.
Movie information and trailer: http://twospirits.org/
PBS site to vote on (click on the stars): http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/award/
The film is about one specific Native American hate crime victim and the history of two-spirit culture. I haven’t seen it myself, but how cool would it be if a film about trans experience won the Independent Lens Audience Award this year? Just saying. Get clicking!

Treatments of GID: What Does This Mean for Us?

Talking about GID always bends one’s mind a bit. Is it really a disorder? Is it fair to define a trans person as mentally ill before they can pursue surgery? Isn’t the fact that GID is still understood as a medical disorder partly to blame for transphobia?

Needless to say there are a lot of articles floating around about this. There are plenty of arguments to be made, but a lot of writers do a pretty shoddy job of explaining what GID is and where it came from in the process. I’ve been thinking a lot about language and what it does to us versus what we do to it, in terms of culture in general and the trans community in particular, since my last post about that mildly atrocious article. This article isn’t atrocious—it’s respectful and treats some common misconceptions—but there are two ideas presented that I’d like to hear reactions on.

One is the presentation of GID as a mysterious and “serious, often deadly” illness, most notably in the beginning paragraphs; later, GID is even compared to skin cancer. The author implies that having GID leads to suicide and essentially blames the condition of being trans, not the diagnosis, for the hardships a trans person may face (depression, unemployment, etc). Depression and suicide are not symptoms of GID so much as natural reactions to society’s treatment of trans individuals. To not make that distinction is almost akin to blaming trans individuals for these situations and implies that all transfolk have depression due to this “illness” they apparently combat.

This brings me to my second observation: the blatant acceptance of the gender binary. The article claims that a trans person’s “brain growth follows one gender track while their bodies follow another” during development. That kind of thinking discredits any kind of non-binary gender in existence and undermines anyone not interested in pursuing a traditional physical transition to what some would view its “completion”.

The article isn’t brand new, but was posted as helpful to someone new to the concept. If you’ve never heard the term before, this article DOES simplify the concept greatly. Which is helpful, but also harmful; are these the ideas we want to be associated with?

Veterans Health Administration Regulates Care of Transgender Veterans

As of June 9th, the 950 hospitals and clinics connected to the Veterans Health Administration are all required to provide the same level of adequate and sensitive healthcare to transgender veterans. These health care centers will not be providing sex reassignment surgery, but WILL connect veterans to counseling, hormone therapy, and post-operative care as a regular occurrence. Personnel at these centers are also required to refer to all transgender and intersex patients, in conversation AND in medical records, using their preferred gender pronouns rather than their assigned sex pronouns.

A lot of these standards sound like common sense to us, but they’re a big deal to the transgender veterans affected by the new protocol. According to some online testimonies, some transgender veterans receiving care through the Veterans Health Administration have been able to pursue hormone therapy, while others are denied even basic, non-trans-specific healthcare. This new standard means that ALL health care centers, clinics, and hospitals will provide a higher standard of care to transgender veterans. You may cheer a little if you like.

** Side note: I’d usually accompany this type of post with a news article, but the one I saw contains language that is questionable at best and has actually inspired me to write a letter to the author (but more on that later). I googled for an alternative, but none are immediately apparent. You can search yourself, but I won’t promote an article insensitive to the identities of the people it reports on. **

The Sex Binary

Someone posted this picture on Facebook, and someone else mentioned a news story about a family raising their infant without any gender assignments, “and not telling friends/family if the newest baby is male or female.” So of course I opened my mouth to politely point out that “the baby might not be male or female in the first place, don’t forget!” Just to say it, because sometimes there has to be someone to stand up against accidental ignorance. Which is perfectly okay; no one can know everything about everything.

Of course, this person thought they did know things, and said the “whole point” of the diagram is that sex—which is male or female—is separate from gender. And online I nicely explained that some people don’t fit either category at birth, like intersex people for example, and that “the idea that there are only two physical sexes is a common misconception,” and suggested a documentary or something… but in my room I was like *headdesk headdesk headdesk*.

Because I knew what was coming, and come it did: “anyone born with a vagina is female, and with a penis is male… unless he/she is a hermaphrodite.” And then I got aggravated and pulled apart everything—that some people transition, that some DO use sex words to describe their genders, that “hermaphrodite” isn’t really PC or sensitive, that saying “he/she” further undermines anyone who doesn’t fit the binary, etc. Still politely, and then I politely excused myself before the friend whose page it was got overly tired of us both. And maybe I didn’t get all the terms right either (no one can know everything!), but I feel like I’d be open to someone telling me about a new one. I feel like that’s all we can, and do, ask for; be open to someone telling you that there’s more to the story than you learned in high school biology or psychology.

IN SHORT: gender is only half the battle. The idea that there is an either-or SEX binary overlooks hundreds of people and is the root of the problematic belief that there is an either-or GENDER binary in the first place. In reality neither of these is true and it’s time we start including EVERYONE in our everyday language.

Fox News Attacks Chaz Bono

I saw this on a friend’s facebook earlier today and was floored. Really? Still? The article is horribly judgmental—talking about medical transitions as “bending reality to conform to a person’s psychosis.” Granted this is an opinion held by many, but to see it in a “news” article is something else entirely. Of course, it’s FOX news, which isn’t exactly news in the first place. Regardless of where it is, articles like this can really hurt the trans cause and community. This article is TOTALLY missing the entire social experience of being transgender and totally overlooking the fact that gender is not an either-or binary mandated by sex—otherwise ALL women would dress the exact same way. No doubt Dr. Ablow skipped a few sessions of his Intro to Sociology courses in college.

I guess the occassional reminder of how much stupid there is in the world helps us focus on what has to be done…? Trying to be optimistic here.

Another thing you can do as a trans ally— write in to places that publish pieces like this and tell them just how wrong they are!

Professional Sports Team-- "It Gets Better"

The San Francisco Giants are going to be the first professional sports team to make an “It Gets Better” video. That’s the baseball team that won the World Series—I didn’t know either, I just know people who like sports or something. Apparently there was a change.org petition circulating requesting the team to be the first to make a video—but, publicists assure us, they were already planning on it anyway.
So yeah. Story here!

"How to Make Love to a Trans Person" by Gabe Moses

I stumbled across this on Tumblr... it's very sexual content, so don't read it if that's not something you're interested in. But if you are, enjoy; it's very honest, frank, real, affirming, and I think just plain pretty overall.


Forget the images you’ve learned to attach
To words like cock and clit,
Chest and breasts.
Break those words open
Like a paramedic cracking ribs
To pump blood through a failing heart.
Push your hands inside.
Get them messy.
Scratch new definitions on the bones.

Get rid of the old words altogether.
Make up new words.
Call it a click or a ditto.
Call it the sound he makes
When you brush your hand against it through his jeans,
When you can hear his heart knocking on the back of his teeth
And every cell in his body is breathing.
Make the arch of her back a language
Name the hollows of each of her vertebrae
When they catch pools of sweat
Like rainwater in a row of paper cups
Align your teeth with this alphabet of her spine
So every word is weighted with the salt of her.

When you peel layers of clothing from his skin
Do not act as though you are changing dressings on a trauma patient
Even though it’s highly likely that you are.
Do not ask if she’s “had the surgery.”
Do not tell him that the needlepoint bruises on his thighs look like they hurt
If you are being offered a body
That has already been laid upon an altar of surgical steel
A sacrifice to whatever gods govern bodies
That come with some assembly required
Whatever you do,
Do not say that the carefully sculpted landscape
Bordered by rocky ridges of scar tissue
Looks almost natural.

If she offers you breastbone
Aching to carve soft fruit from its branches
Though there may be more tissue in the lining of her bra
Than the flesh that rises to meet it
Let her ripen in your hands.
Imagine if she’d lost those swells to cancer,
Diabetes,
A car accident instead of an accident of genetics
Would you think of her as less a woman then?
Then think of her as no less one now.

If he offers you a thumb-sized sprout of muscle
Reaching toward you when you kiss him
Like it wants to go deep enough inside you
To scratch his name on the bottom of your heart
Hold it as if it can-
In your hand, in your mouth
Inside the nest of your pelvic bones.
Though his skin may hardly do more than brush yours,
You will feel him deeper than you think.

Realize that bodies are only a fraction of who we are
They’re just oddly-shaped vessels for hearts
And honestly, they can barely contain us
We strain at their seams with every breath we take
We are all pulse and sweat,
Tissue and nerve ending
We are programmed to grope and fumble until we get it right.
Bodies have been learning each other forever.
It’s what bodies do.
They are grab bags of parts
And half the fun is figuring out
All the different ways we can fit them together;
All the different uses for hipbones and hands,
Tongues and teeth;
All the ways to car-crash our bodies beautiful.
But we could never forget how to use our hearts
Even if we tried.
That’s the important part.
Don’t worry about the bodies.
They’ve got this.

Professor Fired For Being Trans-- You Can Help!

The story is that an English professor at Southeastern Oklahoma State University has not only been denied tenure, but has also been fired, for being a transwoman. When I first saw this I was hoping it wasn’t true, but I’ve done some googling and it appears to be legitimate.

According to the available articles (one here, news story here), the VP of Academic Affairs denied a faculty suggestion to grant tenure for the first time, and the University President refused to honor a unanimous decision made by the faculty committee that votes on such affairs. At the time the story was posted, the administration (who has allegedly made transphobic remarks before) had refused to meet with Professor Rachel Tudor in person.

I love English. I love academia. I love the trans community. So I’m like, oh no you didn’t.

* Sign the petition
* Write her a letter of support: rtudor@se.edu
* Write University President Dr. Larry Minks a polite letter urging him to overcome transphobia and give Professor Tudor a fair tenure hearing: lminks@se.edu
* Send that same letter to the Oklahoma State Regents for Higher Education (try addressing to Chancellor Glen D. John): communicationsdepartment@osrhe.edu

That’s right, readers mine, I creeped on them so you wouldn’t have to. BUT PLEASE WRITE AND SIGN TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT! If you want, I’ll post my own letters—all you have to do is tweak a sentence or two and sign and send.

Labor Department: Gender Identity A Protected Status

Pretties. I have so much homework to do. I need to stop internetting. But let me leave you with this news story I stumbled across entirely by accident. Apparently, the US Department of Labor has added gender identity to its list of protected statuses. You know—Such-and-Such Company does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, sex, and so on. Now, at least for them, that list includes “gender identity.” I know the big push in CT has been to add the phrase “gender identity and expression” into policy, so that you cannot be fired for, say, breaking dress code, if you dress to express the gender you identify with. Does it hurt to take the word ‘expression’ out? I’m probably reading too much into this. English major, you know.

So yeah. Cool stuff. Everybody go apply to the Labor Department.

T.R.A.N.S. Resource Site

This site is in its very beginning stages, but I still can’t even articulate how awesome it already is. Seriously, this is the blog that my blog wants to be when it grows up, except more ally-focused. T.R.A.N.S.—that’s “Transgender Resources And Needed Support”— is “an internet-based effort to gather information pertaining to all populations of the transgender community.” The main page has updates about the site and may soon be featuring trans-related news stories. Already cool, right? That’s not the awesome part.

On the sidebar are links to pages about clothing, hormones, centers and clinics, support groups, and more. Each of these pages offers a list of organizations and websites dedicated to helping trans people with that particular thing. There are packer/padding retailers and used binder drives and a list of “wellness-related services” in all their forms. This is pretty fantastic, but it’s still not the most awesome part.

Tabs after these provide lists of resources that don’t necessarily have to do with transitioning. Many of us know of a non-profit or two that we can reach out to in times of trouble; it looks like this site is hoping to compile an extensive nation-wide list of them. You may also have a favorite blog, book, YouTube channel, magazine, etc. about trans issues; this site lists those too! Thus, the awesome-est part: all of this is in ONE place.

Like I said, it’s still just starting, but so far I think it’s pretty impressive. It’s really user-friendly, and that’s saying something coming from me, and it has something for EVERYONE—or, it will, once you get over there and submit the resources you think are missing!

Trans Issues at the White House

White House meeting on transgender issues tomorrow? Freaking yes? Supposed to focus on employment issues? I think it's about time? K thanks?

Check out the news story here. Opening paragraph:

“Transgender activists intend to discuss federal policy issues at an upcoming White House meeting that will be the first ever held by the Office of Public Engagement to focus solely on trans issues.Shin Inouye, a White House spokesperson, said the meeting, which is set to take place Friday at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, will include transgender leaders who work on federal policy.”

Attack on a TransWoman at McDonalds

So you’ve probably all heard more than you care to about the transwoman who got beat up at McDonald’s in Baltimore for trying to use the bathroom, yes? Essentially, a 22-year-old transwoman was attacked by customers while employees encouraged the attack and video recorded it. Which was dumb—but evidently only one employee has been “held responsible” and I’m not sure if anyone has been fired. I’m posting a link to the best article I’ve read on the incident so far.

There have been huge reactions, online and in communities. There are also a lot of petitions going around from different groups. The one posted here was started by a Baltimore resident and is associated with change.org, which is where I got the above article from and which seems to be the petition with the most signatures.

There’s a video available, but I don’t suggest you watch it.

New Post Format?

Once, I went to this really great transgender ally workshop at a conference. We worked together to come up with a categorized list of experiences—actually, we had four huge pieces of paper and fifty markers and were turned loose. I can’t remember all the categories right now—I wrote them down and I can get back to you on that—but my favorites were “I smile when” and “I hurt when.”

Sometimes, the hardest thing about being a trans ally is that you have no one to share those experiences with. That’s why I started this blog originally. Actually, the idea came out of the first workshop of this style I ever went to; the mother of a transman was using male pronouns with a female name and wishing for a resource—not for the answers, but for some kind of compassion, understanding, companionship. That could have been four years ago. Her son is actually my roommate now, but I assure you that’s a weird coincidence brought on from the fact that everyone knows everyone in queer New England. He and my cat are currently neck-and-neck in a snoring competition on the couch next to me. Cute little pests. *petpet*

Anyway. I started working on my own lists, based off my own experiences and off of things I’ve heard or seen or read. It’s a work in progress, multi-author kind of thing. But I think you might enjoy it.

Indiana School Apologizes, Offers LGBT Protection

So, in a nutshell—in 2006 (oh man, that’s when I graduated, too), a transgender student in Indiana was not allowed to attend her senior prom because she was wearing a dress but was born male. The refusal was in keeping with a policy about sexually appropriate dress, and was applied to K.K. Logan even though a biologically female student was permitted to attend the dance in a tux. Four years later, the school has awarded Logan an indeterminate sum, agreed to provide LGBT sensitivity training to administration, and adopted policies protecting the rights of LGBT students. The school issued a public apology and promised to “ensure that something like this does not happen again.” I’d say that’s a taste of success, wouldn’t you?

Longer story here!