Transgender Day of Remembrance- a brief explanation

I’d like to apologize for the obscenely long break in blogging. Initially I just took a short break from writing. And then a short break became a long one. And then… well, anyway, I’m back now. I apologize to those of you who have been reading- and, welcome back! Hopefully from now on, new blog posts will be forthcoming at an almost-regular pace.

I'd like to focus for a time on Transgender Day of Remembrance. TDOR is an action day put on by various GLBT groups to honor and remember gender-variant people who lost their lives to prejudice. The event takes place in November to honor Rita Hester, the victim of the 1998 murder that inspired a web project called “Remembering Our Dead” and, later, candlelight vigils. Rita’s murder was not the first hate crime towards a transgender person by any means, but it did spark change. TDOR events vary group to group, but they always incorporate some way to remember and honor those transgender people who have died as a direct result of transphobia in the last year.

This day is a chance for transfolk and their allies to of course mourn those who have passed on, but also to unite in the face of adversity and celebrate those things that make us unique as well as bring us together. Participants often focus on the hope of the future just as much as the sadness of the past. A slogan I hear frequently at TDOR events is, “pray for the dead- and fight like hell for the living!”

The sad reality is, our transgender friends, lovers, and family members are at risk all over the world because of other people’s prejudices. Transfolk are often denied housing, jobs, and healthcare because their gender expression confuses, upsets, or offends people who do not wish to learn about gender variance and will not accept it into their lives. Less often- but of course more heartbreaking- transfolk suffer violence at the hands of people who do not, or will not, understand them as people too. It is this ultimate manifestation of anti-transgender prejudice that TDOR mourns, protests, and seeks to change.

Transgender Pride March: Alienating Allies?

The first annual Transgender Pride March was last Saturday. The parade itself was amazing- hundreds of gender variant people and their allies marching together; people of all genders, races, ages, religions- it was wonderful. The rally afterward started out as uplifting and all-inclusive, too. Speeches were made about not leaving our members who are of minority races, homeless, “different-abled,” and other minority statuses, behind us as we push towards equality. After those speeches about inclusion and progress, however, came others- speakers who focused on what we had left to do and, worse, who to blame. Speeches focused on the gay and lesbian “backlash” the GLB community had given the T community, and boldly stated that today a transgender movement would start that did not include or need the GLB civil rights movement or anyone affiliated. I sat in my chair, stunned and hurt; I had called out of work and crossed state lines to be here, and was being told, over and over, that I wasn’t needed or even wanted. Why? Because I was a lesbian, not a transsexual. That’s right- the spokespeople for the transgender community that day were judging our non-transgender allies based on the way their gender identities corresponded to their biological sexes. I thought, am I really so wrong, offensive, and unnecessary because I identify as a woman and have female parts?

The emcee tried to make it better. “Who here identifies as transgender? Who doesn’t but is here to support someone they love? How about a round of applause for those people, huh?” It was an obvious rescue attempt but it was a good one; the problem came when, after that, the accusations kept on coming and kept getting worse.

I felt betrayed by a friend; I felt embarrassed being there, like I’d crashed the party. As the speeches increased in venom towards the gay community, I found I couldn’t take it anymore- we went out for ice cream and missed the performance of All The King’s Men, which, I’m sure, was stellar as always.

How does everyone feel about this? Has this feeling of alienation ever happened to you? What did you do?

A Welcome Message

In high school, I considered myself a young queer activist; I helped start my high school gay-straight alliance and ran it for two years, and fought with school administration to allow National Coming Out Day and Day of Silence programs to run in our 600-student rural school- no easy feat. The day I started thinking about what the “T” in GLBT really meant was just before graduation, when my partner at the time asked me what I’d think if she cut off all her hair.

Today, I’m an official “transgender ally”; I’ve co-facilitated several workshops on the topic and have attended several transgender community events, including the Transgender Health and Law Conference and, tomorrow, the first ever Transgender Pride Parade in North Hampton. There was a time, however, when I did not know what MTF, FTM, or PGP stood for, and when I could not define pansexual or intersex. Although I have greatly expanded my vocabulary, there are still times I don’t know the answers- like when my transgender best friend confesses to me that he is afraid to go to work tomorrow because of what he overheard today.

This site is for everyone who is, or has ever been, there; anyone who has some answers but needs more- or who has no clue what’s going on, but wants to help. The blog is intended for parents, friends and partners of transgender people, so that we can share our disappointments and our victories, our hopes and our fears, our smiles and our tears- openly. It is a chance for all of us to share what we know and understand, and question what we don’t- to grow together and support one another in a safe and respectful place.

If you’ve ever had a question or concern, but not voiced it- because you were afraid of offending someone, because you were afraid of showing your loved ones your weakness or confusion, because you didn’t want to sound silly, or any other reason- this is the space to voice it.

Please be aware; because this is a hate-free zone discussing a too-often-targeted subject, all comments and blog posts must be approved by a moderator before they will appear on the site. ANYONE can comment on a blog; only approved bloggers may post new topics. To become a blogger, simply email missythepoet@hotmail.com- it’s that simple!

Moderator’s note: “transgender” is an umbrella term that loosely covers those who identify as transgender, transsexual, drag artists, intersex, genderqueer, gender-bending, and much, much more. For the purposes of this site, the word “transgender” is used to include all of these overlapping identities- but that doesn’t mean that we can’t discuss, explore and debate what these different words mean!!!