The first annual Transgender Pride March was last Saturday. The parade itself was amazing- hundreds of gender variant people and their allies marching together; people of all genders, races, ages, religions- it was wonderful. The rally afterward started out as uplifting and all-inclusive, too. Speeches were made about not leaving our members who are of minority races, homeless, “different-abled,” and other minority statuses, behind us as we push towards equality. After those speeches about inclusion and progress, however, came others- speakers who focused on what we had left to do and, worse, who to blame. Speeches focused on the gay and lesbian “backlash” the GLB community had given the T community, and boldly stated that today a transgender movement would start that did not include or need the GLB civil rights movement or anyone affiliated. I sat in my chair, stunned and hurt; I had called out of work and crossed state lines to be here, and was being told, over and over, that I wasn’t needed or even wanted. Why? Because I was a lesbian, not a transsexual. That’s right- the spokespeople for the transgender community that day were judging our non-transgender allies based on the way their gender identities corresponded to their biological sexes. I thought, am I really so wrong, offensive, and unnecessary because I identify as a woman and have female parts?
The emcee tried to make it better. “Who here identifies as transgender? Who doesn’t but is here to support someone they love? How about a round of applause for those people, huh?” It was an obvious rescue attempt but it was a good one; the problem came when, after that, the accusations kept on coming and kept getting worse.
I felt betrayed by a friend; I felt embarrassed being there, like I’d crashed the party. As the speeches increased in venom towards the gay community, I found I couldn’t take it anymore- we went out for ice cream and missed the performance of All The King’s Men, which, I’m sure, was stellar as always.
How does everyone feel about this? Has this feeling of alienation ever happened to you? What did you do?
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3 comments:
first of all, I love you missy.
secondly, i was there too and am glad i missed all the transpeople hating on the lesbians. It's not right. all FtMs were once lesbians and it's wrong to forget your roots and burn bridges.
Thank you for doing this and helping us.
First things first: Kasey, Not all FTMs were once lesbians. That is way off the mark.
As for the feeling left out/alienated piece: it sucks to feel that way, especially when you see yourself as an ally and even champion of trans rights. Particularly as LGB people, we are marginalized enough that when others (especially those we see as our natural allies) make us feel left out, it hurts all the more. That said, a trans pride event is a place when trans folks can rally around each other, big up their community and make themselves feel empowered, which is all really good stuff. Think about if a straight ally attended gay pride and felt hurt when an emcee talked about how awesome it was to be gay, how powerful we are and how you can't understand the struggle or even be part of the struggle unless you are gay. My reaction would be, "Sorry you feel hurt, but this is what my community needs to talk about and do to take control of our own lives and destiny as a community. If you want to be a positive part of that, let's talk about that afterward."
Rather than taking what was said as an insult to you or what you can bring to trans liberation, you could try to think of it as a way that the trans community is stepping up to take control of their political needs.
I think it's important to keep in mind, too, that what people say at the mic at a political rally is often a little different than the conversations friends and allies have over a drink or a cup of coffee. What is said at a rally is meant to be empowering, intense, sometimes even confrontational so that people get revved up and excited for the challenges ahead. I know Jerimarie personally and I don't believe that her priority is to shun allies. I believe her priority is to mobilize trans people to lead the movement for their own rights. One of the most important parts of being an ally, I think, is to be able to take people's opinions about your place in a movement and try to understand them from all sides before you decide that they are meant to make you feel left out or hurt. Not everything is about us as LGB people, even at a trans event.
Just another way to think about things.
Sally Tamarkin (sally.t@gmail.com)
Firstly, I would like to join in noting that gender dysphoria and transgenderism is in no way related to sexual orientation. It is a common misconception, but not one that can go uncorrected.
That being said, I would like to applaud you for you being an ally. I am a straight ally, and am deeply disturbed by the idea that any ally is unwanted/unneeded/detrimental to the acceptance of the T community. I prefer to think (as does my T (biologically male) partner) that if society and the country can come to be more accepting of the GLB community that will help acceptance of the T community. Even if that weren't the case, there is a way for the T community to differentiate themselves from the GLB community while being grateful for any support and help they offer.
You were justifiablly offended by the comments. I do hope the next event you attend is more filled with love and acceptance. I know that my partner and I are grateful for the exisitance of every ally, regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. I applaud you for your support and your willingness to attend the event, even if it didn't turn out as you had expected.
Corissa White
(corissa_white@yahoo.com)
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