Okay, here’s something to get mad about.
The first headline I caught read, “Long Island Man Kills Infant Boy for Acting Like a Girl.” I’ll understand if you don’t want to read anymore, really.
Any news story out so far doesn’t have much more information than that. Apparently, this twenty-year-old guy was babysitting his girlfriend’s seventeen-month-old son (that’s about a year and a half for those of you keeping up) and decided he had to teach him a lesson about masculinity. It’s unclear just what the infant was doing that was so feminine, but it must have incited some kind of fury in Pedro Jones, who beat the child several times with his fists. The child was found alive, in cardiac arrest, and died later that night in the hospital. Jones reportedly explained, “I was trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl.” Here’s the kicker; the additional admission, “I never struck that kid that hard before.” I don’t even know what to say about that one. Jones will be tried for first-degree manslaughter, which apparently could equate to anything from five to twenty-five years in prison.
You’d think this kind of thing only happened in highly conservative states, right? You’d be wrong, though. Roy A. Jones lived and died on a reservation on Long Island.
Whether you add Roy to the list of people killed in the name of transphobia is probably a personal choice; it’s doubtful that we’ll ever know much more about what actually happened. Either way, though, the fact is clear that gender roles still play a huge role in our society. When gender roles are questioned or broken—even, apparently, by toddlers—it can and does provoke a strong, immediate, and sometimes violent and irrevocable reaction. I find this fascinating, given the fact that gender is an entirely socially constructed concept. Nevertheless— the danger is real. This is why we do what we do, folks. Keep your head above the water, and keep living with love—and keep the Jones family in your thoughts this week.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Is This Thing On?
Let’s be honest… this is a shameless, shameless attempt at interaction. I keep making those. But at this point, I’m SO interested in feedback, I’m willing to dedicate an ENTIRE post just to getting some! Yay self-promotion!
I want to know what you think, but specifically, I want to know what you want me to write about. Blogs really only work if the blogger is writing about things the reader cares about, see. I do what I can to mix up the topics and keep things interesting, but more often than not, the post passes on down the page, comment-less and sad. I know you’re reading them though—blogger tells me you are anyway—so I’m just wondering—where’s the response?
I want this blog to be a really flexible resource for everyone—parents, friends, siblings, partners, and of course the curious onlooker. That’s a pretty diverse group, so of course the blog reflects that—in content as well as in style. Some posts only pertain to parents or siblings, while others are partner-specific, which is why the tags exist. Additionally, while some posts are about general topics and personal experiences, others focus on time-sensitive news, or else highlight an important resource to the trans community that I think you might like to take a look at.
But you already know all of that! I guess what my question for you is—is it working? I want to hear from you! If you let me know what you want to see more of, what works and what doesn’t, I’ll definitely keep that in mind when I write. Suggest some topics! Share some experiences! I’d hoped that this blog would be a way for people to connect—so feel free to use it!
Friday, July 16, 2010
When A Partner Transitions: Part Two: Conflict
If you’ve never done it before, dating a trans person can be hard— especially if that person is someone you’re used to thinking of as a girl or boy already. Don’t feel guilty for the feelings you have about the transition—rather, explore them, be aware of them, be honest about them, and do your best to work through them. It can be really hard to feel like you have to give up the person you know, and really hard to start using a new name and/or pronoun because, let’s face it, you cared for that person strongly as they were, and maybe you don’t want them to change. The most important thing to remember in this situation is that your partner is not gone, and you are not now dating a stranger. Your partner did not change overnight; rather, they chose to share something with you that they’ve undoubtedly been thinking about privately for a long time. The person you love is still right there by your side. In fact, if you stay through the tough beginning parts, I can almost guarantee that you’ll begin to see a happier, more confident version of your lover emerge.
Beyond the “loss” experience, there’s the matter of your own private identity to attend to. If you’re queer, you’ve probably struggled a bit to come to that conclusion; you may have lost friends, fought with your family, broken a couple hearts, and spent a real long time choosing the words you use to identify with. If you identify as a lesbian, chances are, you’re proud of it; and if your partner is now a man, chances are, you’re facing a crisis. If you’re straight, dating a trans person is just as earth-shattering because you, my friend, are about to lose the heterosexual privilege that you have carried with you unknowingly every day of your life.
Can you continue identifying the way you always have? Probably—but be very conscious of how you do it. You don’t want to accidentally cause your transgender partner pain or offense. Be aware that this is probably even harder on your partner. Never, ever disregard their identity in order to cling to your own; it’s okay to acknowledge both. Go ahead and say you’re a lesbian dating a man—educate someone by example. Over time, you may begin to consider adopting a more fluid label, and you may even develop a strong sense of pride in your role in the trans world (I was a lesbian once too, you know!). Generally speaking, if your partner is transitioning, you are too. Embrace it. You’re about to have a wonderful experience. And remember—you’re not alone! We’re here!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
When A Partner Transitions: Part One: Questions
I can TOTALLY say everything I want to say about this topic in four hundred words… Ha. This is going to be my first ever double post. Just promise to pick up my book someday.
Last week, we figured out that your sexual identity hinges largely on the gender identity of the people you date. So—what happens when your long-term partner comes out as transgender? Do you have to use the new pronoun all the time? Will you still be able to be physically intimate in the same way, or will that change too? Now that your partner’s come out as transgender, do you have to come out as something else? What is that even called? What if you’re comfortable with the label you’re already using, and don’t want to change it—is that okay?
Funny story—the answers to these, and the million other questions going through your head, are different for every single person. Surprise! No two transitions are the same. Each starting point is different, each ending point is different (Hormones? Surgery? Name change? Just a haircut?), and each individual journey has about as many factors and variables attached as a human life can possibly have. A trans person could opt for a whole bunch of surgery, or they could be perfectly happy with a wardrobe change. Your partner might “go stealth” and try to “pass” as a biological male or female all the time; your partner may also go the “trans pride” route, and tell anyone and everyone about what transitioning is like. There are also, of course, a million in-between scenarios. In each case, you are going to have to make some compromises—but remember, nothing happens overnight.
The bottom line with this is, you’re going to have to talk to your partner— a lot. The word “transgender” is a lot like “Christian” or “Democrat” in that lots of people use it, but it means something different to everyone, and no one aspect of the concept is guaranteed to be real to any given person who claims the label. The only never-fail rule for dating a trans person is this: to stay with your partner, you’ll have to accept this new aspect of their identity. You will have to have some long, honest conversations, and you will have to compromise—and you WILL make some mistakes. Let it happen. You’re both new at this; you’re trying, and your partner will appreciate that.
Dating a transgender person is tricky; part two of this post (which is already scheduled to post, yay planning ahead!) gets more into the potential difficulties. Stay tuned…
Last week, we figured out that your sexual identity hinges largely on the gender identity of the people you date. So—what happens when your long-term partner comes out as transgender? Do you have to use the new pronoun all the time? Will you still be able to be physically intimate in the same way, or will that change too? Now that your partner’s come out as transgender, do you have to come out as something else? What is that even called? What if you’re comfortable with the label you’re already using, and don’t want to change it—is that okay?
Funny story—the answers to these, and the million other questions going through your head, are different for every single person. Surprise! No two transitions are the same. Each starting point is different, each ending point is different (Hormones? Surgery? Name change? Just a haircut?), and each individual journey has about as many factors and variables attached as a human life can possibly have. A trans person could opt for a whole bunch of surgery, or they could be perfectly happy with a wardrobe change. Your partner might “go stealth” and try to “pass” as a biological male or female all the time; your partner may also go the “trans pride” route, and tell anyone and everyone about what transitioning is like. There are also, of course, a million in-between scenarios. In each case, you are going to have to make some compromises—but remember, nothing happens overnight.
The bottom line with this is, you’re going to have to talk to your partner— a lot. The word “transgender” is a lot like “Christian” or “Democrat” in that lots of people use it, but it means something different to everyone, and no one aspect of the concept is guaranteed to be real to any given person who claims the label. The only never-fail rule for dating a trans person is this: to stay with your partner, you’ll have to accept this new aspect of their identity. You will have to have some long, honest conversations, and you will have to compromise—and you WILL make some mistakes. Let it happen. You’re both new at this; you’re trying, and your partner will appreciate that.
Dating a transgender person is tricky; part two of this post (which is already scheduled to post, yay planning ahead!) gets more into the potential difficulties. Stay tuned…
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Dating 101
Mainstream heterosexual dating is pretty straightforward; boy meets girl. Queer dating is more complicated because queer people tend to identify themselves based on who they date. Thus, every time you enter into a relationship (or even find someone attractive), the words you use to identify yourself may change.
This whole defining-your-identity-by-who-you-date thing is no trouble at all for someone on either end of the Kinsey scale (i.e., straight or gay); it’s the rest of us, in the middle, that have trouble with it. Say you identify as bisexual, but are committed to a woman and present yourself as a man. Anyone who sees you with your partner assumes that you are a heterosexual guy. If you correct the assumption, a whole bunch of other ones—that you’re cheating on her, etc—are quickly and inevitably made. This phenomenon—bisexual invisibility—is just the tip of the iceberg of problems that arise from using the gender binary to define who we date.
Last week we talked about how no two women have the exact same gender; thus, no two people you’ve dated have had the exact same gender, although you probably have a certain “type” (tomboys, athletes, etc). Sooner or later, you figure out your type, and use that fact to choose the binary words you identify with—gay, straight, bisexual. But what if you realize your “type” isn’t about boy or girl, but about something else? Maybe you’re attracted to artists regardless of gender; maybe you’re specifically attracted to androgyny (the melding of feminine and masculine traits). When this is true, you aren’t attracted to people who fit into the girl-boy binary; thus, using words that adhere to this binary doesn’t do your personal identity justice. Tough, right? To express yourself more completely, you can use labels that acknowledge and support the fluidity of gender. The word “pansexual,” for example, essentially takes bisexuality to the next step, and means the person is open to dating men, women, and transfolk. I like to identify using the word “queer” because all it really means is I’m not heterosexual; thus, if I date a woman for a while, a transman, and then a biological man, my label doesn’t have to change.
Speaking of which, here’s the real monkey wrench: if identity hinges on attraction, what happens to your identity when your partner’s changes? If your lesbian lover comes out as a man, can you still be in a lesbian relationship? I love this one—I’ve seen it several times now, and have a couple stories to share with you next week!
This whole defining-your-identity-by-who-you-date thing is no trouble at all for someone on either end of the Kinsey scale (i.e., straight or gay); it’s the rest of us, in the middle, that have trouble with it. Say you identify as bisexual, but are committed to a woman and present yourself as a man. Anyone who sees you with your partner assumes that you are a heterosexual guy. If you correct the assumption, a whole bunch of other ones—that you’re cheating on her, etc—are quickly and inevitably made. This phenomenon—bisexual invisibility—is just the tip of the iceberg of problems that arise from using the gender binary to define who we date.
Last week we talked about how no two women have the exact same gender; thus, no two people you’ve dated have had the exact same gender, although you probably have a certain “type” (tomboys, athletes, etc). Sooner or later, you figure out your type, and use that fact to choose the binary words you identify with—gay, straight, bisexual. But what if you realize your “type” isn’t about boy or girl, but about something else? Maybe you’re attracted to artists regardless of gender; maybe you’re specifically attracted to androgyny (the melding of feminine and masculine traits). When this is true, you aren’t attracted to people who fit into the girl-boy binary; thus, using words that adhere to this binary doesn’t do your personal identity justice. Tough, right? To express yourself more completely, you can use labels that acknowledge and support the fluidity of gender. The word “pansexual,” for example, essentially takes bisexuality to the next step, and means the person is open to dating men, women, and transfolk. I like to identify using the word “queer” because all it really means is I’m not heterosexual; thus, if I date a woman for a while, a transman, and then a biological man, my label doesn’t have to change.
Speaking of which, here’s the real monkey wrench: if identity hinges on attraction, what happens to your identity when your partner’s changes? If your lesbian lover comes out as a man, can you still be in a lesbian relationship? I love this one—I’ve seen it several times now, and have a couple stories to share with you next week!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Your Ticket to the Trans World
Last night, I had a two-hour phone conversation with my mom about transgender culture. Seriously. It was really awesome, not only because it means she’s supportive of my general existence, but also because it gave me a chance to talk trans with someone who genuinely had almost no exposure to the concept. The whole reason I started this blog (two whole years ago, wow) was to give people without that exposure a safe space to explore and wonder and learn and connect. I wanted this to be a space that everyone—those of us who’ve been dating transfolk for years, and those of us who have never met a trans person—could employ and enjoy. In honor of my mom, though, this one’s for the newbies.
I think one of the hardest parts of getting into the transgender world is accepting the fact that gender is not black-and-white. In order to do this, you have to give up the binary concept that you’ve been identified with since literally before your own birth. It helps to consider the fact that, even in the either-or world, there are no perfect examples of femininity or masculinity. No football player never cries, and no cheerleader was born in high heels. You can certainly believe stereotypes exist for a reason, but it’s important to note that even though most people strive to embody them, no one can ever perfectly achieve them. Realistically, everyone is a little bit gender-variant.
In short: you are not a bathroom stick figure. You have an identity of your very own, and while much of it has to do with gender, none of it is set in stone by that gender label. No two people who share a gender label are exactly the same. There are women who spend an hour on makeup before they go grocery shopping; there are also women who use eyeliner once a year. One is not less of a woman than the other; they’re just women in different ways. The transgender world simply takes this concept to the next logical step—that is, if no two biological females are exactly alike, then perhaps we shouldn’t use only one word to describe all of them. Believing that gender is fluid, and using words that reflect that basic notion, allows the people who belong to the gender-variant world access to a more honest, and accurate, exploration of identity. If you haven’t introduced yourself to this world yet, then we’re all missing out; regardless of your personal gender, you can find a place to belong here.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Connecticut Pride 6/5/10
This Saturday marked the 29th annual Connecticut Pride, held in Bushnell Park in Hartford. I can happily report (because that’s what I do) that this was one of the most trans-inclusive queer pride events that I have been to. The event itself opened with a performance by the CT Imperial Sovereign Court’s own Empress and Imperial Crown Princess, Electra Shock and Chanel Couture. As the ISC is a non-profit group that hosts drag shows to raise money for charity, you don’t get much more trans-friendly than that.
Throughout the day, the stage was graced by multiple drag performances, some campy, some seductive, some an outrageous mixture of both. In between the fun and games, of course, were the passionate speeches by everyone from teachers to social workers to pageant winners. Naturally, different groups focused on different things, but it was encouraging to hear how often the community was urged not to forget the tail end of the “GLBT” acronym. Many speakers called for help to end discrimination based on gender identity and expression.
The trans-friendly atmosphere was evident not only in the speakers but also in the groups that had tents set up around the field. Being me, I stopped at every booth that offered transgender resources or shiny rainbow trinkets—my favorites being the ones that had both! I lucked out at the CTAC/Transadvocacy table, but that was just the beginning. A few other transgender activism groups were present all day, some of which I will certainly be highlighting in the near future. One, Transcending Boundaries, is dedicated to opening minds and eyes beyond labels; others, like the Twenty Club and Transitioning and Loving Life (TaLL), are trans support organizations. It’s arguably just as important to point out that many of the groups not exclusively dedicated to the trans community made it very clear that they were trans-friendly. I won’t publish the whole list here, but stay tuned—I have SO MUCH to share with you!
If you missed it, there’s hope—Boston Pride is this Saturday, and it might be bigger than Hartford’s (don’t tell them I said that). I can’t go, so I won’t be reporting on it directly, but if anyone wants to weigh in next week let me know! And, if you haven’t been to a pride event—get out there!
Throughout the day, the stage was graced by multiple drag performances, some campy, some seductive, some an outrageous mixture of both. In between the fun and games, of course, were the passionate speeches by everyone from teachers to social workers to pageant winners. Naturally, different groups focused on different things, but it was encouraging to hear how often the community was urged not to forget the tail end of the “GLBT” acronym. Many speakers called for help to end discrimination based on gender identity and expression.
The trans-friendly atmosphere was evident not only in the speakers but also in the groups that had tents set up around the field. Being me, I stopped at every booth that offered transgender resources or shiny rainbow trinkets—my favorites being the ones that had both! I lucked out at the CTAC/Transadvocacy table, but that was just the beginning. A few other transgender activism groups were present all day, some of which I will certainly be highlighting in the near future. One, Transcending Boundaries, is dedicated to opening minds and eyes beyond labels; others, like the Twenty Club and Transitioning and Loving Life (TaLL), are trans support organizations. It’s arguably just as important to point out that many of the groups not exclusively dedicated to the trans community made it very clear that they were trans-friendly. I won’t publish the whole list here, but stay tuned—I have SO MUCH to share with you!
If you missed it, there’s hope—Boston Pride is this Saturday, and it might be bigger than Hartford’s (don’t tell them I said that). I can’t go, so I won’t be reporting on it directly, but if anyone wants to weigh in next week let me know! And, if you haven’t been to a pride event—get out there!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Excuses Excuses: Suicide Prevention
There are two things I could pass my clear failure to keep my promise on. The first is my dead laptop charger, which I couldn’t afford to replace until recently. The second is the fact I have hit a rocky spot in my personal life (which DOES exist, you know), and ultimately came pretty close to dying myself.
Suicide is a huge problem in the GLBTQ community. Statistically, queer (gay/lesbian/bisexual etc) youth are four times more likely to attempt it than heterosexual youth. Transgender youth often have even less places to turn, and arguably even more isolation and confusion to deal with; thus, trans youth are even more at risk. In fact, I don’t think I know more than a couple transgender people who have never seriously considered suicide. It’s depressing, but that’s the reality.
Suicide comes from feeling helpless and hopeless, which is why transgender allies like us can be so important; we provide that help and hope. It’s tempting to pass off a comment about suicide as a joke or a moment of melodrama; everyone wants an excuse not to believe that the person is serious. Even really fantastic people, or people with counseling training, don’t want to admit that someone they love could be struggling. Trust me. I know.
Luckily, Suicide Prevention programs and hotlines exist EVERYWHERE. The first, and most well-known, 24/7 Suicide Prevention Hotline for GLBTQ youth is called the Trevor Project. The project was born from a short film, called Trevor, about a suicidal gay boy; the creators used the money from the film to start a resource to help people in Trevor’s position. Phone counselors go through 40+ hours of training and can be reached at ANY time at 1-866-488-7386. The website, www.thetrevorproject.org, has plenty of other resources too!
It’s scary, but not impossible, to help someone who’s contemplating suicide—but the first and hardest step is to admit that it’s a possibility. Don’t look for excuses to shy away from the word or the person; ask outright, and keep checking in. Chances are, just having someone to talk to frankly will help that person dramatically. But remember too that YOU are not a professional—so after that initial conversation, be sure to get outside help for that person. Call the Trevor Project, or if it’s a real emergency, 911. Ze may be mad at you for a day or two, but ultimately, ze’ll thank you for saving hir life. Trust me.
Suicide is a huge problem in the GLBTQ community. Statistically, queer (gay/lesbian/bisexual etc) youth are four times more likely to attempt it than heterosexual youth. Transgender youth often have even less places to turn, and arguably even more isolation and confusion to deal with; thus, trans youth are even more at risk. In fact, I don’t think I know more than a couple transgender people who have never seriously considered suicide. It’s depressing, but that’s the reality.
Suicide comes from feeling helpless and hopeless, which is why transgender allies like us can be so important; we provide that help and hope. It’s tempting to pass off a comment about suicide as a joke or a moment of melodrama; everyone wants an excuse not to believe that the person is serious. Even really fantastic people, or people with counseling training, don’t want to admit that someone they love could be struggling. Trust me. I know.
Luckily, Suicide Prevention programs and hotlines exist EVERYWHERE. The first, and most well-known, 24/7 Suicide Prevention Hotline for GLBTQ youth is called the Trevor Project. The project was born from a short film, called Trevor, about a suicidal gay boy; the creators used the money from the film to start a resource to help people in Trevor’s position. Phone counselors go through 40+ hours of training and can be reached at ANY time at 1-866-488-7386. The website, www.thetrevorproject.org, has plenty of other resources too!
It’s scary, but not impossible, to help someone who’s contemplating suicide—but the first and hardest step is to admit that it’s a possibility. Don’t look for excuses to shy away from the word or the person; ask outright, and keep checking in. Chances are, just having someone to talk to frankly will help that person dramatically. But remember too that YOU are not a professional—so after that initial conversation, be sure to get outside help for that person. Call the Trevor Project, or if it’s a real emergency, 911. Ze may be mad at you for a day or two, but ultimately, ze’ll thank you for saving hir life. Trust me.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Springtime Promises
Hi all. It’s time to confess that I’m having some trouble. See, I love to write. I love the trans community. I love doing what I can to help the people in, or affected by, that community. And, of course, I love to write about the trans community in the hopes of helping the people in that community, or touched by that community. Makes sense, right? Unfortunately I have this problem. It’s called I’m ridiculously busy, and lately, I’m ridiculously unmotivated, and the bottom line is that my poor little blog suffers on the back burner with my laundry and homework. This is a problem for me, because this is what I live to do!
It’s springtime now, which is clearly a time for renewal and growth and change and rebirth. I am trying to reflect the energy I see all around me in myself and in my life. One of the things I want to change, of course, is the fact that I keep skipping updates on this blog! To that end, I am making you a springtime promise. I intend to update this blog every Sunday or Monday—at LEAST. I need a new motivator, so this is what’s happening; every time I don’t update by Monday night, I owe you five dollars. Every time I do update but it’s a really bad post, I owe you two dollars. Sound good?
I can’t actually send five dollars to everyone who happens across this blog. So, I’m going to track how much money I owe ‘you,’ and at the end of the year, I will be donating that much money to a queer charity. At the moment, I am thinking True Colors, simply because I have always enjoyed volunteering for this organization. Additionally, Connecticut’s Imperial Sovereign Court (more on them later) is donating all the funds they raise this year to True Colors, and I would like to do what I can to help out.
So. That’s how it’s going to work. I skip, five bucks. I suck, two bucks. BUT. YOU HAVE TO CALL ME ON IT. So, if it’s Tuesday morning and my last post is from eight days ago, you’ve got to comment on that last post and remind me that I owe you five bucks. If I post something really awful or lacking in substance, you can call me on it, and I’ll tack two bucks onto the total. Just don’t tell me every single one of my posts sucks or I’ll be very sad :-P I’ll try and figure out how to keep a running total in the margins.
That’s my deal for you, dear readers. Take it or leave it!
It’s springtime now, which is clearly a time for renewal and growth and change and rebirth. I am trying to reflect the energy I see all around me in myself and in my life. One of the things I want to change, of course, is the fact that I keep skipping updates on this blog! To that end, I am making you a springtime promise. I intend to update this blog every Sunday or Monday—at LEAST. I need a new motivator, so this is what’s happening; every time I don’t update by Monday night, I owe you five dollars. Every time I do update but it’s a really bad post, I owe you two dollars. Sound good?
I can’t actually send five dollars to everyone who happens across this blog. So, I’m going to track how much money I owe ‘you,’ and at the end of the year, I will be donating that much money to a queer charity. At the moment, I am thinking True Colors, simply because I have always enjoyed volunteering for this organization. Additionally, Connecticut’s Imperial Sovereign Court (more on them later) is donating all the funds they raise this year to True Colors, and I would like to do what I can to help out.
So. That’s how it’s going to work. I skip, five bucks. I suck, two bucks. BUT. YOU HAVE TO CALL ME ON IT. So, if it’s Tuesday morning and my last post is from eight days ago, you’ve got to comment on that last post and remind me that I owe you five bucks. If I post something really awful or lacking in substance, you can call me on it, and I’ll tack two bucks onto the total. Just don’t tell me every single one of my posts sucks or I’ll be very sad :-P I’ll try and figure out how to keep a running total in the margins.
That’s my deal for you, dear readers. Take it or leave it!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Transfolk in Music
Anyone ever tell you that nobody ever talks about transgender issues? Have you ever heard anyone argue that you never hear about them outside of queer events or culture? Do you think trans issues don’t make appearances in mainstream movies, shows, stories, or music?
Have you heard any of these songs?
“Lola” by the Kinks
“Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man,/ But I know what I am and that I’m a man,/ So is Lola.”
“Somebody Told Me” by the Killers
“Somebody told me you had a boyfriend/ Who looked like a girlfriend/ That I had in February of last year.”
“Turn the Page” by Bob Seger
“Most times you can’t hear ‘em talk, other times you can/ All the same old clichés, is that a woman or a man?/ And you always seem outnumbered, you don’t dare make a stand.”
“Walk on the Wild Side” by Lou Reed
“Plucked her eyebrows on the way/ Shaved her legs and then he was a she.”
They say any publicity is good publicity, but you’ve got to wonder. Aside from the Bob Seger song—which is interestingly written in the second person, and largely about feeling like an outcast—the majority of these songs are about transgender prostitutes. The majority of trans characters on TV are cast in a similar way (think Law and Order or CSI). Why do you think this is? What can we do to change it?
Have you heard any of these songs?
“Lola” by the Kinks
“Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man,/ But I know what I am and that I’m a man,/ So is Lola.”
“Somebody Told Me” by the Killers
“Somebody told me you had a boyfriend/ Who looked like a girlfriend/ That I had in February of last year.”
“Turn the Page” by Bob Seger
“Most times you can’t hear ‘em talk, other times you can/ All the same old clichés, is that a woman or a man?/ And you always seem outnumbered, you don’t dare make a stand.”
“Walk on the Wild Side” by Lou Reed
“Plucked her eyebrows on the way/ Shaved her legs and then he was a she.”
They say any publicity is good publicity, but you’ve got to wonder. Aside from the Bob Seger song—which is interestingly written in the second person, and largely about feeling like an outcast—the majority of these songs are about transgender prostitutes. The majority of trans characters on TV are cast in a similar way (think Law and Order or CSI). Why do you think this is? What can we do to change it?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
So What's Intersex Mean?
In the last post, I mentioned the term “intersex.” While this term is thrown around a lot, it’s largely misunderstood. The intersex community is sometimes overlooked even by the bigger transgender community to which it theoretically belongs. Is it because an intersex (or “intersexed”, I’ve heard both terms used as adjectives) person was simply “born that way,” while many transfolk have to rearrange everything in their lives in order to live openly? Not EVERYONE in the trans community overlooks the “I” in GLBTI, of course, but it’s a phenomenon worth noticing.
Being intersex technically has nothing to do with gender identity; it is a term that applies purely to a person’s physical, biological body. There are several ways to be classified as intersex, which is really more of an umbrella term than anything else—just like “transgender” is. Sometimes, people are considered intersex because they have a different chromosome set than males (XY) and females (XX). Most common is Klinefelter’s Syndrome, which occurs when a ‘male’ has an extra X chromosome. It’s more common than you’d think; you can’t trust everything you read on Wikipedia, but the article suggests one out of 500 males is born with an extra sex chromosome.
Other times, a person is declared intersex because ze has ambiguous genitalia or reproductive organs. Although it’s not very carefully tracked, it’s estimated that one out of every two thousand children are born with some physical traits that are male while other traits are female. Doctors sometimes choose to “fix” this ambiguousness at birth with surgery in the hopes that the baby will be able to grow up “normal.” Of course, if this actually worked, we wouldn’t know about it! There are several published cases—and certainly many more private ones—in which a child was born intersex, operated on, and carefully raised as a gender-conforming boy or girl. Often, this child grows up to come out as transgender or genderqueer later in life. You can read about several of these cases here, courtesy of Cosmos Magazine.
Not all intersex people grow up to be gender-variant. Does everyone remember Caster Semenya from the Olympics last year? Semenya’s sex was called into question based on hir impressive performance; multiple tests revealed that Semenya did indeed have an intersex condition.
For more information, check out this article by Alice Dreger that appeared on Fathermag.com. It explains some things better than I could!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Aren't There Only Two Genders?
I love this question.
Gender is a social construct based on assumptions about biological sex. The first assumption is that there are two biological sexes: male and female. The second is that there are two opposing genders, one attached to each sex. The third is that there is a correct way to be one or the other.
First of all, there are more than two sexes. Newsflash! It’s called “intersex,” and it’s estimated that one out of every two thousand children are born with ambiguous genitalia. Usually, this means that the child’s body shows some traits of both binary sexes. Often, a doctor will seek to “fix” this ambiguousness with surgery while the baby is still very young; the idea is that if a biological sex is assigned, the gender socially connected to that sex will be accepted by parent and child alike. We’ll have to explore this topic another time, but suffice it to say, this proved false.
Second: if there are more than two sexes, you’d better believe there are WAY more than two genders. I really hate the terms “opposite sex” or “opposite gender” for this reason. An either-or approach just isn’t practical; how boring would the world be with only two kinds of people in it? There’s nothing wrong with using a binary label, man or woman, to identify with; the issue, and the tough part, is remembering not to label anyone else. There are men and women, but there are also bois and gurls, womyn and burls, genderqueers, genderfucks, drag kings, drag queens, transsexuals, and countless other labels to choose from. Soon, we’ll dedicate a post or twelve just to vocab.
Third: gender rights and wrongs are learned. We are taught at a young age that we must act a certain way to be accepted, based on whether our parents dress us in pink or blue—and we carry that lesson with us all our lives. Some sociologists say we don’t “have” a gender, we “do” a gender. Every single thing you do during your day has the potential to be a gendered action. There’s a feminine way to walk, sit, stand, talk, eat, just as there’s a masculine way to do it. Gender isn’t a trait; it’s a performance, a contest, a game. Luckily for us, the rules are changing.
We’ll explore these ideas a lot more, but for now, I’ve rambled long enough. I’ll leave you with this video to help you get a better idea of the many different genders out there. The video is of a spoken word piece called “3rd Gender” by Kit Yan from the performing group Good Asian Drivers. They’re fantastic and so is this piece. Watch it. Love it. You’re welcome.
Gender is a social construct based on assumptions about biological sex. The first assumption is that there are two biological sexes: male and female. The second is that there are two opposing genders, one attached to each sex. The third is that there is a correct way to be one or the other.
First of all, there are more than two sexes. Newsflash! It’s called “intersex,” and it’s estimated that one out of every two thousand children are born with ambiguous genitalia. Usually, this means that the child’s body shows some traits of both binary sexes. Often, a doctor will seek to “fix” this ambiguousness with surgery while the baby is still very young; the idea is that if a biological sex is assigned, the gender socially connected to that sex will be accepted by parent and child alike. We’ll have to explore this topic another time, but suffice it to say, this proved false.
Second: if there are more than two sexes, you’d better believe there are WAY more than two genders. I really hate the terms “opposite sex” or “opposite gender” for this reason. An either-or approach just isn’t practical; how boring would the world be with only two kinds of people in it? There’s nothing wrong with using a binary label, man or woman, to identify with; the issue, and the tough part, is remembering not to label anyone else. There are men and women, but there are also bois and gurls, womyn and burls, genderqueers, genderfucks, drag kings, drag queens, transsexuals, and countless other labels to choose from. Soon, we’ll dedicate a post or twelve just to vocab.
Third: gender rights and wrongs are learned. We are taught at a young age that we must act a certain way to be accepted, based on whether our parents dress us in pink or blue—and we carry that lesson with us all our lives. Some sociologists say we don’t “have” a gender, we “do” a gender. Every single thing you do during your day has the potential to be a gendered action. There’s a feminine way to walk, sit, stand, talk, eat, just as there’s a masculine way to do it. Gender isn’t a trait; it’s a performance, a contest, a game. Luckily for us, the rules are changing.
We’ll explore these ideas a lot more, but for now, I’ve rambled long enough. I’ll leave you with this video to help you get a better idea of the many different genders out there. The video is of a spoken word piece called “3rd Gender” by Kit Yan from the performing group Good Asian Drivers. They’re fantastic and so is this piece. Watch it. Love it. You’re welcome.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Kids Say The Darndest Things
So, the other day, I took my girlfriend to an appointment. This is not unusual. What was different was hearing the words, “is that a girl?” the second we stepped off the elevator. Being me, I naturally whipped around ready for a fight. I’m a little touchy about these things, you know? Not about the gender of my partner—that’s a whole different story, one I’m sure we’ll get to—but about strangers applying gender labels to people they’ve never even spoken to. When I realized the speaker must have been about seven years old, though, I relaxed considerably.
Little kids have this habit of saying whatever they think; society hasn’t taught them to have a filter yet. Very little kids also tend to act, dress, and play the way they want to—regardless of gender roles. As kids grow, they begin to feel the pressures of society around them; girls start playing house because they want to be like their mothers, while boys play catch outside to get Dad’s attention. Seriously, you can google all kinds of studies on this stuff. People—not just transgender people, either—have been fascinated by children’s abilities to resist social pressures for a very long time. Most sociologists agree that gender-based behaviors are not ingrained; they are learned.
The kid’s mother didn’t really take a stance on the matter. She didn’t explain to her daughter that gender has many forms, but she didn’t use us as an example of the devil’s work, either. I’ll take it as a draw.
I know I’m not the only one who’s ever had experience with a little kid and gender; in fact, I’ve got several stories left to share. But what about you? Have you ever explained a friend’s transition to a five-year-old? Fascinating stuff, isn’t it?
Little kids have this habit of saying whatever they think; society hasn’t taught them to have a filter yet. Very little kids also tend to act, dress, and play the way they want to—regardless of gender roles. As kids grow, they begin to feel the pressures of society around them; girls start playing house because they want to be like their mothers, while boys play catch outside to get Dad’s attention. Seriously, you can google all kinds of studies on this stuff. People—not just transgender people, either—have been fascinated by children’s abilities to resist social pressures for a very long time. Most sociologists agree that gender-based behaviors are not ingrained; they are learned.
The kid’s mother didn’t really take a stance on the matter. She didn’t explain to her daughter that gender has many forms, but she didn’t use us as an example of the devil’s work, either. I’ll take it as a draw.
I know I’m not the only one who’s ever had experience with a little kid and gender; in fact, I’ve got several stories left to share. But what about you? Have you ever explained a friend’s transition to a five-year-old? Fascinating stuff, isn’t it?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Transwoman Amanda Simpson appointed by Obama
This bit was actually emailed to me by the VP of Student Affairs at my school the other day. Yeah. That’s the kind of email I get. Anyway, the news piece was about President Obama’s recent picks for various government posts. Apparently, one of them—a woman who was actually beaten by Obama for New York senator at one point—is also transgender.
Amanda Simpson is now working as a senior technical advisor to the U.S. Commerce Department. She has a pretty impressive history, having received awards and recognitions from various organizations, as well as run for various government offices. She has been quoted as saying to the National Center for Transgender Equality, “as one of the first transgender presidential appointees to the federal government, I hope that I will soon be one of hundreds.”
There have been, of course, some nasty things said by various people and organizations; it’d be pretty impossible not to expect that to happen. Just remember, though—every time something positive about the transgender community or even a transgender person makes the news, a few more people are going to realize that a trans person is, after all, a person, not so different from them. Even the negative press brought about by events like this can serve that purpose!
Appointing an openly transgender woman sends the message that Obama believes that trans people are just as capable and important as gender-normative folks, which is a huge plus for the transgender community. This is the kind of support we need from country leaders, and it’ll make a difference, one step at a time.
You can google “Amanda Simpson” for more info. To start, you can read the “dscriber” article I was emailed here.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010
Hooray—the obligatory end/beginning-of-year blog post!
2009 was pretty big for the trans community, I think—maybe not the biggest ever, but still pretty substantial. A bunch of employment and health care cases reached various courts and gained various publicity; some rights were earned, while others are closer than ever to being obtained. ENDA is becoming a reality; affordable transitions are becoming a possibility; murders and assaults committed because of transphobic bigotry are now considered federal hate crimes. Things are changing state-by-state, too. For example, New York just became the seventh state in America to prohibit discrimination based on gender identity in state employment. And come on. Chaz Bono came out!
2010 *should* be a good one too, right? We’re still working towards a lot of things, and the progress may be slow, but we’re closer now than ever before. We need better laws surrounding employment, housing, and education, sure, and maybe even access to public bathrooms; we need to ensure that people are taking ENDA and the hate crimes law seriously; we need better health care; we need to work hard to ensure that gender variance is “normalized” in our society.
The great news is, it’s not just the trans-specific groups working to get us there. For example, GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders) published a “wish list for the coming year” that includes a bullet point that says, “a win in our challenge to the IRS's refusal to allow a transgender woman a tax deduction for her medical care.” We’re getting there—together.
What do YOU think the best part of 2009 was for the transgender community? What are you looking forward to THIS year?
2009 was pretty big for the trans community, I think—maybe not the biggest ever, but still pretty substantial. A bunch of employment and health care cases reached various courts and gained various publicity; some rights were earned, while others are closer than ever to being obtained. ENDA is becoming a reality; affordable transitions are becoming a possibility; murders and assaults committed because of transphobic bigotry are now considered federal hate crimes. Things are changing state-by-state, too. For example, New York just became the seventh state in America to prohibit discrimination based on gender identity in state employment. And come on. Chaz Bono came out!
2010 *should* be a good one too, right? We’re still working towards a lot of things, and the progress may be slow, but we’re closer now than ever before. We need better laws surrounding employment, housing, and education, sure, and maybe even access to public bathrooms; we need to ensure that people are taking ENDA and the hate crimes law seriously; we need better health care; we need to work hard to ensure that gender variance is “normalized” in our society.
The great news is, it’s not just the trans-specific groups working to get us there. For example, GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders) published a “wish list for the coming year” that includes a bullet point that says, “a win in our challenge to the IRS's refusal to allow a transgender woman a tax deduction for her medical care.” We’re getting there—together.
What do YOU think the best part of 2009 was for the transgender community? What are you looking forward to THIS year?
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