Your Ticket to the Trans World

Last night, I had a two-hour phone conversation with my mom about transgender culture. Seriously. It was really awesome, not only because it means she’s supportive of my general existence, but also because it gave me a chance to talk trans with someone who genuinely had almost no exposure to the concept. The whole reason I started this blog (two whole years ago, wow) was to give people without that exposure a safe space to explore and wonder and learn and connect. I wanted this to be a space that everyone—those of us who’ve been dating transfolk for years, and those of us who have never met a trans person—could employ and enjoy. In honor of my mom, though, this one’s for the newbies.

I think one of the hardest parts of getting into the transgender world is accepting the fact that gender is not black-and-white. In order to do this, you have to give up the binary concept that you’ve been identified with since literally before your own birth. It helps to consider the fact that, even in the either-or world, there are no perfect examples of femininity or masculinity. No football player never cries, and no cheerleader was born in high heels. You can certainly believe stereotypes exist for a reason, but it’s important to note that even though most people strive to embody them, no one can ever perfectly achieve them. Realistically, everyone is a little bit gender-variant.

In short: you are not a bathroom stick figure. You have an identity of your very own, and while much of it has to do with gender, none of it is set in stone by that gender label. No two people who share a gender label are exactly the same. There are women who spend an hour on makeup before they go grocery shopping; there are also women who use eyeliner once a year. One is not less of a woman than the other; they’re just women in different ways. The transgender world simply takes this concept to the next logical step—that is, if no two biological females are exactly alike, then perhaps we shouldn’t use only one word to describe all of them. Believing that gender is fluid, and using words that reflect that basic notion, allows the people who belong to the gender-variant world access to a more honest, and accurate, exploration of identity. If you haven’t introduced yourself to this world yet, then we’re all missing out; regardless of your personal gender, you can find a place to belong here.