The Sex Binary

Someone posted this picture on Facebook, and someone else mentioned a news story about a family raising their infant without any gender assignments, “and not telling friends/family if the newest baby is male or female.” So of course I opened my mouth to politely point out that “the baby might not be male or female in the first place, don’t forget!” Just to say it, because sometimes there has to be someone to stand up against accidental ignorance. Which is perfectly okay; no one can know everything about everything.

Of course, this person thought they did know things, and said the “whole point” of the diagram is that sex—which is male or female—is separate from gender. And online I nicely explained that some people don’t fit either category at birth, like intersex people for example, and that “the idea that there are only two physical sexes is a common misconception,” and suggested a documentary or something… but in my room I was like *headdesk headdesk headdesk*.

Because I knew what was coming, and come it did: “anyone born with a vagina is female, and with a penis is male… unless he/she is a hermaphrodite.” And then I got aggravated and pulled apart everything—that some people transition, that some DO use sex words to describe their genders, that “hermaphrodite” isn’t really PC or sensitive, that saying “he/she” further undermines anyone who doesn’t fit the binary, etc. Still politely, and then I politely excused myself before the friend whose page it was got overly tired of us both. And maybe I didn’t get all the terms right either (no one can know everything!), but I feel like I’d be open to someone telling me about a new one. I feel like that’s all we can, and do, ask for; be open to someone telling you that there’s more to the story than you learned in high school biology or psychology.

IN SHORT: gender is only half the battle. The idea that there is an either-or SEX binary overlooks hundreds of people and is the root of the problematic belief that there is an either-or GENDER binary in the first place. In reality neither of these is true and it’s time we start including EVERYONE in our everyday language.