GLSEN Goes to the Super Bowl

You’ve probably seen the ThinkB4YouSpeak ads put out by GLSEN (rock-dwellers: the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network) to discourage the use of phrases like “that’s so gay” in popular culture. These ads point out how senseless and potentially hurtful it is to use “gay” as a synonym for “dumb.” Some ads do this by putting the person who says “that’s so gay” in a gay person’s shoes (thank you, Hilary Duff) while some simply speak out against it (thank you, NBA). It’s true that a lot of queer people do this themselves in an effort to “take back the word,” but the practice can definitely contribute to feelings of isolation and worthlessness to queer youth, especially uncertain and potentially closeted youth who don’t have a network of queer friends reminding them it’s okay to be gay.

Thanks to airtime generously donated by Grazie Media (you can add your signature to GLSEN’s thank-you note here), GLSEN was able to air new PSA’s including the ones above AT THE ACTUAL SUPER BOWL. According to GLSEN’s webpage about this project, some 800,000 spectators in both the stadium and the surrounding parking lots saw these on the stadium’s big screen. Anti-gay groups—including everyone’s favorite, Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church—protested the airing of the ads and even went to the Super Bowl to form a picket line, which apparently didn’t get too much attention from the sports fans. If you don’t care because you want to fight homophobia, care because much homophobia is rooted in gender stereotypes (a boy teased for “acting gay” is usually really being teased for “acting” feminine), which hurts our community too. If THAT doesn’t interest you, care because the most-shared and most-commented-on status GLSEN posted about the Super Bowl is actually about a transgender woman who joined the counter protest.

The status, which you can see in full on GLSEN’s Facebook page, shows a photo of the woman holding a sign that reads “I’m transgendered. I’m prettier than all of the WBC and God still loves me” and hails her as an ally. The post adds that “a couple of football fans came up to the trans woman and prayed with her in support of the counter protest directly in front of the anti-gay picket.” Right now, there are 73 comments about how beautiful and strong this woman is. The community has chosen to focus on this individual’s strength over anything else. I don’t know if GLSEN is moderating comments, but I couldn’t find a shred of transphobia in any of them. There can be a lot of in-fighting in the queer community, but I like this example of the fact that we can really come together in the face of hatred.

Educating the Educators

This is a REALLY LONG post, but, it's a fun story. Plus, long posts are okay if you've gone on a months-long hiatus, right?



Today, I tore apart a class of future Student Affairs professionals for silencing people who don’t fit into the gender binary. It was beautiful, but it made me realize how much work we have left to do, even among the people who claim to be on our side. It was a group presentation on how gender roles can affect college students. Some quotes from their handout:


· Sex: “refers to the biological difference between male and female.”
· Gender: “a socially constructed distinction between male and female.”
· “Sex and gender are inseparable; those who are sexual males are normally perceived as gendered men and sexual females are normally perceived as gendered women.”

I am ripping my hair out.

The entire presentation talked about gender using the terms ‘male’ and ‘female,’ and never, even once, acknowledged the possibility of something else. Most of the class was spent getting classmates to talk about times they have been restricted because of their gender. You know, Mommy always made me curl my hair in grade school, that kind of thing. Then, at the end of the presentation, someone mentioned that SOME people ACTUALLY think that gender is fluid, and that genders beyond male and female exist. *GASP* They presented this idea by showing a youtube montage of newscasters freaking out about a couple raising a baby without a gender shoved down its throat, and asked us if we thought this was a bad idea.

I’d had enough, and announced I was going to talk now and had three things to say.

One—even this clip about a baby being raised outside the binary shows how much power the binary has over us. All the clips were ranting about ‘his or her’ parents when the reality is it is THEY who are imposing THEIR politics on this child. Some of you have probably never heard of this, but one in every who-knows-how-many babies are actually born with genitalia that are not distinguishable as male or female, or have characteristics of both—and nine times out of ten, that baby is operated on, without the parents’ knowledge or consent, in order to make them appear more ‘normal.’ Those babies never get a chance; this one does. For all any of us know, this child isn’t even male or female to begin with; sex is NOT a binary.

Two—since sex is not a binary, it stands to reason that gender is not a binary either. Viewing it as a binary silences countless voices you could learn from. I didn’t say anything during our conversation because I haven’t been told I’m not feminine enough; I’ve been told I’m not masculine enough to claim the gender I do. Most of you will look at me and label me as a woman, and that’s your problem, not mine. In reality, I don’t identify as a woman OR a man; I am something called genderqueer, and there are a hundred other words I could throw at you if we had time. Tons of people exist outside the gender binary and are silenced by gender assumptions—like the ones you’ve all presented in this class which is supposed to be ABOUT gender assumptions. I don’t mean to call you out, but no one in your group even MENTIONED transgender or gender variant people in your presentation ABOUT GENDER. Maybe women are less valued than men, but gender variant people are invisible in general society.

Three—sometimes, gender and sex ARE binary concepts, but are not at all related. T—, when you said you had to shovel snow while your sister had to cook breakfast every day, it made me think of my partner. When he was a girl, he had to do things like that too. Yes. I said that. When he transitioned to being a man, his parents taught him how to mow the lawn because that’s what real men do. My partner is accepted as a man by everyone who comes into contact with him because that’s how he presents; we call it “passing” and he is lucky enough to do it consistently. But my partner is female. That’s a binary identity in which sex and gender are not traditionally linked. And that’s only one way gender complicates sexuality. He doesn’t identify with words like queer or straight because all of those words immediately suggest a sex and gender that match for the person using them. Likewise, I don’t identify as a lesbian anymore, because that suggests I am a woman and date women, not a gender-variant person who dates other gender-variant people.

I wanted to share my experiences with you all because, someday, you are going to be working at colleges with gender variant people. You won’t even know they’re in the room sometimes, but we’re everywhere. And, if you all talk the way you talked tonight, you are going to be silencing those students the way that I felt silenced during this class.

This, of course, is a paraphrase; I was more candid and less articulate in class, I’m sure, but I did cover every point mentioned above-- some better than others.

My classroom was dead silent. All eyes were on me, but not in a look-at-the-freak way; in a oh-wow-I-never-thought way.

My professor, who’s pretty fantastic, chided me for not speaking up sooner. I tried to explain that I’d waited on purpose—if I’d just jumped in ranting about feeling oppressed, everyone would’ve been defensive, and the class wouldn’t have had the opportunity to SEE how the silencing works. But she wasn’t satisfied with that and informed me I would be talking more about my experiences next week.

Can’t wait.

The Bi/Trans/Pans Debate: Why Respecting Everyone Matters

I have a lot of queer friends. We have a lot of interesting conversations about identity and legality and how crazy the world is. I recently got to witness a conversation that exemplified, at least to us, why this whole bi-trans debate (you know; does the term ‘bisexual’ negate transfolk and uphold the gender binary?) is really unnecessary. The setup: a lesbian, a bisexual, a pansexual and a transsexual (all terms used generally) walk into the room (we were not at a bar, but you can pretend). The lesbian and bisexual are dating, are both female, and are very affectionate; whenever they get caught in a PDA moment, someone inevitably goes “ewwwwww, lesbians!” At first it was funny, but after a while, the bisexual friend in question starting voicing how this actually made her feel uncomfortable and overlooked because it entirely undermined her bisexual identity. And some people were like, oh right. Our bad. But some other people were like, get over it, you’re a lesbian right now.

Cue the pansexual (female presenting) and transsexual (male presenting), who are also dating and are also fairly affectionate, but get less teasing from the general group. During one of THEIR recent PDA moments, the bisexual friend interjected, “ewwwwww, breeders!” Everyone laughed, but the pansexual girl, who may or may not actually be me, was like, oh hell no. Saying that entirely undermines my queer identity. And people were like, oh right. Our bad.

The bisexual friend said nothing, just let it sink it. One by one, the members of our little group realized that if we’re going to respect one queer’s preferred identity label, we’re going to have to respect another’s, too. We haven’t had our next group get-together yet, but I’m willing to bet there will be far fewer lesbian jokes aimed at my clever bisexual friend.

Moral of the story: There is no queer hierarchy, no right or wrong way to be who you are. We all identify differently because that difference makes us beautiful; respecting that difference makes our friendships beautiful. Don’t overlook identities you don’t understand; you never know when it’s going to come back to you.

Two-Spirit Film Could Win PBS Award

So PBS does this thing called Independent Lens, where they feature and focus on independent films. As far as I understand, once a film is shown, viewers get to vote on what the best one was, and the audience favorite will get special support and recognition from the program. One of the films up is called “Two Spirits.” Need I say more? Probably not. But here are some links if you’re interested.
Movie information and trailer: http://twospirits.org/
PBS site to vote on (click on the stars): http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/award/
The film is about one specific Native American hate crime victim and the history of two-spirit culture. I haven’t seen it myself, but how cool would it be if a film about trans experience won the Independent Lens Audience Award this year? Just saying. Get clicking!

Treatments of GID: What Does This Mean for Us?

Talking about GID always bends one’s mind a bit. Is it really a disorder? Is it fair to define a trans person as mentally ill before they can pursue surgery? Isn’t the fact that GID is still understood as a medical disorder partly to blame for transphobia?

Needless to say there are a lot of articles floating around about this. There are plenty of arguments to be made, but a lot of writers do a pretty shoddy job of explaining what GID is and where it came from in the process. I’ve been thinking a lot about language and what it does to us versus what we do to it, in terms of culture in general and the trans community in particular, since my last post about that mildly atrocious article. This article isn’t atrocious—it’s respectful and treats some common misconceptions—but there are two ideas presented that I’d like to hear reactions on.

One is the presentation of GID as a mysterious and “serious, often deadly” illness, most notably in the beginning paragraphs; later, GID is even compared to skin cancer. The author implies that having GID leads to suicide and essentially blames the condition of being trans, not the diagnosis, for the hardships a trans person may face (depression, unemployment, etc). Depression and suicide are not symptoms of GID so much as natural reactions to society’s treatment of trans individuals. To not make that distinction is almost akin to blaming trans individuals for these situations and implies that all transfolk have depression due to this “illness” they apparently combat.

This brings me to my second observation: the blatant acceptance of the gender binary. The article claims that a trans person’s “brain growth follows one gender track while their bodies follow another” during development. That kind of thinking discredits any kind of non-binary gender in existence and undermines anyone not interested in pursuing a traditional physical transition to what some would view its “completion”.

The article isn’t brand new, but was posted as helpful to someone new to the concept. If you’ve never heard the term before, this article DOES simplify the concept greatly. Which is helpful, but also harmful; are these the ideas we want to be associated with?

The Sex Binary

Someone posted this picture on Facebook, and someone else mentioned a news story about a family raising their infant without any gender assignments, “and not telling friends/family if the newest baby is male or female.” So of course I opened my mouth to politely point out that “the baby might not be male or female in the first place, don’t forget!” Just to say it, because sometimes there has to be someone to stand up against accidental ignorance. Which is perfectly okay; no one can know everything about everything.

Of course, this person thought they did know things, and said the “whole point” of the diagram is that sex—which is male or female—is separate from gender. And online I nicely explained that some people don’t fit either category at birth, like intersex people for example, and that “the idea that there are only two physical sexes is a common misconception,” and suggested a documentary or something… but in my room I was like *headdesk headdesk headdesk*.

Because I knew what was coming, and come it did: “anyone born with a vagina is female, and with a penis is male… unless he/she is a hermaphrodite.” And then I got aggravated and pulled apart everything—that some people transition, that some DO use sex words to describe their genders, that “hermaphrodite” isn’t really PC or sensitive, that saying “he/she” further undermines anyone who doesn’t fit the binary, etc. Still politely, and then I politely excused myself before the friend whose page it was got overly tired of us both. And maybe I didn’t get all the terms right either (no one can know everything!), but I feel like I’d be open to someone telling me about a new one. I feel like that’s all we can, and do, ask for; be open to someone telling you that there’s more to the story than you learned in high school biology or psychology.

IN SHORT: gender is only half the battle. The idea that there is an either-or SEX binary overlooks hundreds of people and is the root of the problematic belief that there is an either-or GENDER binary in the first place. In reality neither of these is true and it’s time we start including EVERYONE in our everyday language.

Fox News Attacks Chaz Bono

I saw this on a friend’s facebook earlier today and was floored. Really? Still? The article is horribly judgmental—talking about medical transitions as “bending reality to conform to a person’s psychosis.” Granted this is an opinion held by many, but to see it in a “news” article is something else entirely. Of course, it’s FOX news, which isn’t exactly news in the first place. Regardless of where it is, articles like this can really hurt the trans cause and community. This article is TOTALLY missing the entire social experience of being transgender and totally overlooking the fact that gender is not an either-or binary mandated by sex—otherwise ALL women would dress the exact same way. No doubt Dr. Ablow skipped a few sessions of his Intro to Sociology courses in college.

I guess the occassional reminder of how much stupid there is in the world helps us focus on what has to be done…? Trying to be optimistic here.

Another thing you can do as a trans ally— write in to places that publish pieces like this and tell them just how wrong they are!

Professional Sports Team-- "It Gets Better"

The San Francisco Giants are going to be the first professional sports team to make an “It Gets Better” video. That’s the baseball team that won the World Series—I didn’t know either, I just know people who like sports or something. Apparently there was a change.org petition circulating requesting the team to be the first to make a video—but, publicists assure us, they were already planning on it anyway.
So yeah. Story here!

"How to Make Love to a Trans Person" by Gabe Moses

I stumbled across this on Tumblr... it's very sexual content, so don't read it if that's not something you're interested in. But if you are, enjoy; it's very honest, frank, real, affirming, and I think just plain pretty overall.


Forget the images you’ve learned to attach
To words like cock and clit,
Chest and breasts.
Break those words open
Like a paramedic cracking ribs
To pump blood through a failing heart.
Push your hands inside.
Get them messy.
Scratch new definitions on the bones.

Get rid of the old words altogether.
Make up new words.
Call it a click or a ditto.
Call it the sound he makes
When you brush your hand against it through his jeans,
When you can hear his heart knocking on the back of his teeth
And every cell in his body is breathing.
Make the arch of her back a language
Name the hollows of each of her vertebrae
When they catch pools of sweat
Like rainwater in a row of paper cups
Align your teeth with this alphabet of her spine
So every word is weighted with the salt of her.

When you peel layers of clothing from his skin
Do not act as though you are changing dressings on a trauma patient
Even though it’s highly likely that you are.
Do not ask if she’s “had the surgery.”
Do not tell him that the needlepoint bruises on his thighs look like they hurt
If you are being offered a body
That has already been laid upon an altar of surgical steel
A sacrifice to whatever gods govern bodies
That come with some assembly required
Whatever you do,
Do not say that the carefully sculpted landscape
Bordered by rocky ridges of scar tissue
Looks almost natural.

If she offers you breastbone
Aching to carve soft fruit from its branches
Though there may be more tissue in the lining of her bra
Than the flesh that rises to meet it
Let her ripen in your hands.
Imagine if she’d lost those swells to cancer,
Diabetes,
A car accident instead of an accident of genetics
Would you think of her as less a woman then?
Then think of her as no less one now.

If he offers you a thumb-sized sprout of muscle
Reaching toward you when you kiss him
Like it wants to go deep enough inside you
To scratch his name on the bottom of your heart
Hold it as if it can-
In your hand, in your mouth
Inside the nest of your pelvic bones.
Though his skin may hardly do more than brush yours,
You will feel him deeper than you think.

Realize that bodies are only a fraction of who we are
They’re just oddly-shaped vessels for hearts
And honestly, they can barely contain us
We strain at their seams with every breath we take
We are all pulse and sweat,
Tissue and nerve ending
We are programmed to grope and fumble until we get it right.
Bodies have been learning each other forever.
It’s what bodies do.
They are grab bags of parts
And half the fun is figuring out
All the different ways we can fit them together;
All the different uses for hipbones and hands,
Tongues and teeth;
All the ways to car-crash our bodies beautiful.
But we could never forget how to use our hearts
Even if we tried.
That’s the important part.
Don’t worry about the bodies.
They’ve got this.

Your Ticket to the Trans World

Last night, I had a two-hour phone conversation with my mom about transgender culture. Seriously. It was really awesome, not only because it means she’s supportive of my general existence, but also because it gave me a chance to talk trans with someone who genuinely had almost no exposure to the concept. The whole reason I started this blog (two whole years ago, wow) was to give people without that exposure a safe space to explore and wonder and learn and connect. I wanted this to be a space that everyone—those of us who’ve been dating transfolk for years, and those of us who have never met a trans person—could employ and enjoy. In honor of my mom, though, this one’s for the newbies.

I think one of the hardest parts of getting into the transgender world is accepting the fact that gender is not black-and-white. In order to do this, you have to give up the binary concept that you’ve been identified with since literally before your own birth. It helps to consider the fact that, even in the either-or world, there are no perfect examples of femininity or masculinity. No football player never cries, and no cheerleader was born in high heels. You can certainly believe stereotypes exist for a reason, but it’s important to note that even though most people strive to embody them, no one can ever perfectly achieve them. Realistically, everyone is a little bit gender-variant.

In short: you are not a bathroom stick figure. You have an identity of your very own, and while much of it has to do with gender, none of it is set in stone by that gender label. No two people who share a gender label are exactly the same. There are women who spend an hour on makeup before they go grocery shopping; there are also women who use eyeliner once a year. One is not less of a woman than the other; they’re just women in different ways. The transgender world simply takes this concept to the next logical step—that is, if no two biological females are exactly alike, then perhaps we shouldn’t use only one word to describe all of them. Believing that gender is fluid, and using words that reflect that basic notion, allows the people who belong to the gender-variant world access to a more honest, and accurate, exploration of identity. If you haven’t introduced yourself to this world yet, then we’re all missing out; regardless of your personal gender, you can find a place to belong here.

Transfolk in Music

Anyone ever tell you that nobody ever talks about transgender issues? Have you ever heard anyone argue that you never hear about them outside of queer events or culture? Do you think trans issues don’t make appearances in mainstream movies, shows, stories, or music?

Have you heard any of these songs?

“Lola” by the Kinks
“Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man,/ But I know what I am and that I’m a man,/ So is Lola.”

“Somebody Told Me” by the Killers
“Somebody told me you had a boyfriend/ Who looked like a girlfriend/ That I had in February of last year.”

“Turn the Page” by Bob Seger
“Most times you can’t hear ‘em talk, other times you can/ All the same old clichés, is that a woman or a man?/ And you always seem outnumbered, you don’t dare make a stand.”

“Walk on the Wild Side” by Lou Reed
“Plucked her eyebrows on the way/ Shaved her legs and then he was a she.”

They say any publicity is good publicity, but you’ve got to wonder. Aside from the Bob Seger song—which is interestingly written in the second person, and largely about feeling like an outcast—the majority of these songs are about transgender prostitutes. The majority of trans characters on TV are cast in a similar way (think Law and Order or CSI). Why do you think this is? What can we do to change it?

Aren't There Only Two Genders?

I love this question.

Gender is a social construct based on assumptions about biological sex. The first assumption is that there are two biological sexes: male and female. The second is that there are two opposing genders, one attached to each sex. The third is that there is a correct way to be one or the other.

First of all, there are more than two sexes. Newsflash! It’s called “intersex,” and it’s estimated that one out of every two thousand children are born with ambiguous genitalia. Usually, this means that the child’s body shows some traits of both binary sexes. Often, a doctor will seek to “fix” this ambiguousness with surgery while the baby is still very young; the idea is that if a biological sex is assigned, the gender socially connected to that sex will be accepted by parent and child alike. We’ll have to explore this topic another time, but suffice it to say, this proved false.

Second: if there are more than two sexes, you’d better believe there are WAY more than two genders. I really hate the terms “opposite sex” or “opposite gender” for this reason. An either-or approach just isn’t practical; how boring would the world be with only two kinds of people in it? There’s nothing wrong with using a binary label, man or woman, to identify with; the issue, and the tough part, is remembering not to label anyone else. There are men and women, but there are also bois and gurls, womyn and burls, genderqueers, genderfucks, drag kings, drag queens, transsexuals, and countless other labels to choose from. Soon, we’ll dedicate a post or twelve just to vocab.

Third: gender rights and wrongs are learned. We are taught at a young age that we must act a certain way to be accepted, based on whether our parents dress us in pink or blue—and we carry that lesson with us all our lives. Some sociologists say we don’t “have” a gender, we “do” a gender. Every single thing you do during your day has the potential to be a gendered action. There’s a feminine way to walk, sit, stand, talk, eat, just as there’s a masculine way to do it. Gender isn’t a trait; it’s a performance, a contest, a game. Luckily for us, the rules are changing.

We’ll explore these ideas a lot more, but for now, I’ve rambled long enough. I’ll leave you with this video to help you get a better idea of the many different genders out there. The video is of a spoken word piece called “3rd Gender” by Kit Yan from the performing group Good Asian Drivers. They’re fantastic and so is this piece. Watch it. Love it. You’re welcome.