Sooo I’ve fallen off the face of the planet—again—and now I’m back—again—until I decide that I’m not sure what I should be writing about—again. My initial goal in starting this blog was to help people who had little to no experience in the trans world, and didn’t know about any resources that could help them become more comfortable with the community, the vocabulary, and even the concept. I wanted to do this because I was once frustratingly unable to grasp the reality of being transgender, and when I was able to admit this to myself and actively seek help understanding, I was met with more questions than answers.
To be specific: I went to my first ever transgender allies workshop/discussion at a transgender rights conference and met a whole bunch of people who didn’t really know how to define or describe their partners/parents/kids/friends and, in many cases, themselves because of it (am I still a lesbian?). I got into a long conversation with a parent about existing resources—websites were the most accessible, but there were no question-and-answer or networking sites, no routinely updated newsfeeds, that weren’t out of Facebook or something similar. What if— she asked my young English major aspiring writer self—SOMEONE were to start a blog addressing common issues new allies were facing? People could connect about similar experiences via the comment feature; relative anonymity would provide comfort but moderated comments would provide safety.
I started here on Blogger. I wrote about conferences and vocabulary, about employment laws, about respecting your partner’s identity without sacrificing your own. The problem was nobody read it. Someone convinced me to move to Tumblr, insisted it would guarantee readers. I found readers-- there and here as well-- but the new allies, it seems, are still not finding this blog, or else aren't finding it helpful. Who’s helping the newest allies? Where are they looking for that help? I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions for ways I could reach out to new allies and help connect all of us in new ways. We've all been there, right? What helped you?
Showing posts with label discussion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discussion. Show all posts
Friday, February 3, 2012
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Two-Spirit Film Could Win PBS Award
So PBS does this thing called Independent Lens, where they feature and focus on independent films. As far as I understand, once a film is shown, viewers get to vote on what the best one was, and the audience favorite will get special support and recognition from the program. One of the films up is called “Two Spirits.” Need I say more? Probably not. But here are some links if you’re interested.
Movie information and trailer: http://twospirits.org/
PBS site to vote on (click on the stars): http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/award/
The film is about one specific Native American hate crime victim and the history of two-spirit culture. I haven’t seen it myself, but how cool would it be if a film about trans experience won the Independent Lens Audience Award this year? Just saying. Get clicking!
Movie information and trailer: http://twospirits.org/
PBS site to vote on (click on the stars): http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/award/
The film is about one specific Native American hate crime victim and the history of two-spirit culture. I haven’t seen it myself, but how cool would it be if a film about trans experience won the Independent Lens Audience Award this year? Just saying. Get clicking!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Treatments of GID: What Does This Mean for Us?
Talking about GID always bends one’s mind a bit. Is it really a disorder? Is it fair to define a trans person as mentally ill before they can pursue surgery? Isn’t the fact that GID is still understood as a medical disorder partly to blame for transphobia?
Needless to say there are a lot of articles floating around about this. There are plenty of arguments to be made, but a lot of writers do a pretty shoddy job of explaining what GID is and where it came from in the process. I’ve been thinking a lot about language and what it does to us versus what we do to it, in terms of culture in general and the trans community in particular, since my last post about that mildly atrocious article. This article isn’t atrocious—it’s respectful and treats some common misconceptions—but there are two ideas presented that I’d like to hear reactions on.
One is the presentation of GID as a mysterious and “serious, often deadly” illness, most notably in the beginning paragraphs; later, GID is even compared to skin cancer. The author implies that having GID leads to suicide and essentially blames the condition of being trans, not the diagnosis, for the hardships a trans person may face (depression, unemployment, etc). Depression and suicide are not symptoms of GID so much as natural reactions to society’s treatment of trans individuals. To not make that distinction is almost akin to blaming trans individuals for these situations and implies that all transfolk have depression due to this “illness” they apparently combat.
This brings me to my second observation: the blatant acceptance of the gender binary. The article claims that a trans person’s “brain growth follows one gender track while their bodies follow another” during development. That kind of thinking discredits any kind of non-binary gender in existence and undermines anyone not interested in pursuing a traditional physical transition to what some would view its “completion”.
The article isn’t brand new, but was posted as helpful to someone new to the concept. If you’ve never heard the term before, this article DOES simplify the concept greatly. Which is helpful, but also harmful; are these the ideas we want to be associated with?
Needless to say there are a lot of articles floating around about this. There are plenty of arguments to be made, but a lot of writers do a pretty shoddy job of explaining what GID is and where it came from in the process. I’ve been thinking a lot about language and what it does to us versus what we do to it, in terms of culture in general and the trans community in particular, since my last post about that mildly atrocious article. This article isn’t atrocious—it’s respectful and treats some common misconceptions—but there are two ideas presented that I’d like to hear reactions on.
One is the presentation of GID as a mysterious and “serious, often deadly” illness, most notably in the beginning paragraphs; later, GID is even compared to skin cancer. The author implies that having GID leads to suicide and essentially blames the condition of being trans, not the diagnosis, for the hardships a trans person may face (depression, unemployment, etc). Depression and suicide are not symptoms of GID so much as natural reactions to society’s treatment of trans individuals. To not make that distinction is almost akin to blaming trans individuals for these situations and implies that all transfolk have depression due to this “illness” they apparently combat.
This brings me to my second observation: the blatant acceptance of the gender binary. The article claims that a trans person’s “brain growth follows one gender track while their bodies follow another” during development. That kind of thinking discredits any kind of non-binary gender in existence and undermines anyone not interested in pursuing a traditional physical transition to what some would view its “completion”.
The article isn’t brand new, but was posted as helpful to someone new to the concept. If you’ve never heard the term before, this article DOES simplify the concept greatly. Which is helpful, but also harmful; are these the ideas we want to be associated with?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
New Post Format?
Once, I went to this really great transgender ally workshop at a conference. We worked together to come up with a categorized list of experiences—actually, we had four huge pieces of paper and fifty markers and were turned loose. I can’t remember all the categories right now—I wrote them down and I can get back to you on that—but my favorites were “I smile when” and “I hurt when.”
Sometimes, the hardest thing about being a trans ally is that you have no one to share those experiences with. That’s why I started this blog originally. Actually, the idea came out of the first workshop of this style I ever went to; the mother of a transman was using male pronouns with a female name and wishing for a resource—not for the answers, but for some kind of compassion, understanding, companionship. That could have been four years ago. Her son is actually my roommate now, but I assure you that’s a weird coincidence brought on from the fact that everyone knows everyone in queer New England. He and my cat are currently neck-and-neck in a snoring competition on the couch next to me. Cute little pests. *petpet*
Anyway. I started working on my own lists, based off my own experiences and off of things I’ve heard or seen or read. It’s a work in progress, multi-author kind of thing. But I think you might enjoy it.
Sometimes, the hardest thing about being a trans ally is that you have no one to share those experiences with. That’s why I started this blog originally. Actually, the idea came out of the first workshop of this style I ever went to; the mother of a transman was using male pronouns with a female name and wishing for a resource—not for the answers, but for some kind of compassion, understanding, companionship. That could have been four years ago. Her son is actually my roommate now, but I assure you that’s a weird coincidence brought on from the fact that everyone knows everyone in queer New England. He and my cat are currently neck-and-neck in a snoring competition on the couch next to me. Cute little pests. *petpet*
Anyway. I started working on my own lists, based off my own experiences and off of things I’ve heard or seen or read. It’s a work in progress, multi-author kind of thing. But I think you might enjoy it.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Is This Thing On?
Let’s be honest… this is a shameless, shameless attempt at interaction. I keep making those. But at this point, I’m SO interested in feedback, I’m willing to dedicate an ENTIRE post just to getting some! Yay self-promotion!
I want to know what you think, but specifically, I want to know what you want me to write about. Blogs really only work if the blogger is writing about things the reader cares about, see. I do what I can to mix up the topics and keep things interesting, but more often than not, the post passes on down the page, comment-less and sad. I know you’re reading them though—blogger tells me you are anyway—so I’m just wondering—where’s the response?
I want this blog to be a really flexible resource for everyone—parents, friends, siblings, partners, and of course the curious onlooker. That’s a pretty diverse group, so of course the blog reflects that—in content as well as in style. Some posts only pertain to parents or siblings, while others are partner-specific, which is why the tags exist. Additionally, while some posts are about general topics and personal experiences, others focus on time-sensitive news, or else highlight an important resource to the trans community that I think you might like to take a look at.
But you already know all of that! I guess what my question for you is—is it working? I want to hear from you! If you let me know what you want to see more of, what works and what doesn’t, I’ll definitely keep that in mind when I write. Suggest some topics! Share some experiences! I’d hoped that this blog would be a way for people to connect—so feel free to use it!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Dating 101
Mainstream heterosexual dating is pretty straightforward; boy meets girl. Queer dating is more complicated because queer people tend to identify themselves based on who they date. Thus, every time you enter into a relationship (or even find someone attractive), the words you use to identify yourself may change.
This whole defining-your-identity-by-who-you-date thing is no trouble at all for someone on either end of the Kinsey scale (i.e., straight or gay); it’s the rest of us, in the middle, that have trouble with it. Say you identify as bisexual, but are committed to a woman and present yourself as a man. Anyone who sees you with your partner assumes that you are a heterosexual guy. If you correct the assumption, a whole bunch of other ones—that you’re cheating on her, etc—are quickly and inevitably made. This phenomenon—bisexual invisibility—is just the tip of the iceberg of problems that arise from using the gender binary to define who we date.
Last week we talked about how no two women have the exact same gender; thus, no two people you’ve dated have had the exact same gender, although you probably have a certain “type” (tomboys, athletes, etc). Sooner or later, you figure out your type, and use that fact to choose the binary words you identify with—gay, straight, bisexual. But what if you realize your “type” isn’t about boy or girl, but about something else? Maybe you’re attracted to artists regardless of gender; maybe you’re specifically attracted to androgyny (the melding of feminine and masculine traits). When this is true, you aren’t attracted to people who fit into the girl-boy binary; thus, using words that adhere to this binary doesn’t do your personal identity justice. Tough, right? To express yourself more completely, you can use labels that acknowledge and support the fluidity of gender. The word “pansexual,” for example, essentially takes bisexuality to the next step, and means the person is open to dating men, women, and transfolk. I like to identify using the word “queer” because all it really means is I’m not heterosexual; thus, if I date a woman for a while, a transman, and then a biological man, my label doesn’t have to change.
Speaking of which, here’s the real monkey wrench: if identity hinges on attraction, what happens to your identity when your partner’s changes? If your lesbian lover comes out as a man, can you still be in a lesbian relationship? I love this one—I’ve seen it several times now, and have a couple stories to share with you next week!
This whole defining-your-identity-by-who-you-date thing is no trouble at all for someone on either end of the Kinsey scale (i.e., straight or gay); it’s the rest of us, in the middle, that have trouble with it. Say you identify as bisexual, but are committed to a woman and present yourself as a man. Anyone who sees you with your partner assumes that you are a heterosexual guy. If you correct the assumption, a whole bunch of other ones—that you’re cheating on her, etc—are quickly and inevitably made. This phenomenon—bisexual invisibility—is just the tip of the iceberg of problems that arise from using the gender binary to define who we date.
Last week we talked about how no two women have the exact same gender; thus, no two people you’ve dated have had the exact same gender, although you probably have a certain “type” (tomboys, athletes, etc). Sooner or later, you figure out your type, and use that fact to choose the binary words you identify with—gay, straight, bisexual. But what if you realize your “type” isn’t about boy or girl, but about something else? Maybe you’re attracted to artists regardless of gender; maybe you’re specifically attracted to androgyny (the melding of feminine and masculine traits). When this is true, you aren’t attracted to people who fit into the girl-boy binary; thus, using words that adhere to this binary doesn’t do your personal identity justice. Tough, right? To express yourself more completely, you can use labels that acknowledge and support the fluidity of gender. The word “pansexual,” for example, essentially takes bisexuality to the next step, and means the person is open to dating men, women, and transfolk. I like to identify using the word “queer” because all it really means is I’m not heterosexual; thus, if I date a woman for a while, a transman, and then a biological man, my label doesn’t have to change.
Speaking of which, here’s the real monkey wrench: if identity hinges on attraction, what happens to your identity when your partner’s changes? If your lesbian lover comes out as a man, can you still be in a lesbian relationship? I love this one—I’ve seen it several times now, and have a couple stories to share with you next week!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Transfolk in Music
Anyone ever tell you that nobody ever talks about transgender issues? Have you ever heard anyone argue that you never hear about them outside of queer events or culture? Do you think trans issues don’t make appearances in mainstream movies, shows, stories, or music?
Have you heard any of these songs?
“Lola” by the Kinks
“Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man,/ But I know what I am and that I’m a man,/ So is Lola.”
“Somebody Told Me” by the Killers
“Somebody told me you had a boyfriend/ Who looked like a girlfriend/ That I had in February of last year.”
“Turn the Page” by Bob Seger
“Most times you can’t hear ‘em talk, other times you can/ All the same old clichés, is that a woman or a man?/ And you always seem outnumbered, you don’t dare make a stand.”
“Walk on the Wild Side” by Lou Reed
“Plucked her eyebrows on the way/ Shaved her legs and then he was a she.”
They say any publicity is good publicity, but you’ve got to wonder. Aside from the Bob Seger song—which is interestingly written in the second person, and largely about feeling like an outcast—the majority of these songs are about transgender prostitutes. The majority of trans characters on TV are cast in a similar way (think Law and Order or CSI). Why do you think this is? What can we do to change it?
Have you heard any of these songs?
“Lola” by the Kinks
“Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man,/ But I know what I am and that I’m a man,/ So is Lola.”
“Somebody Told Me” by the Killers
“Somebody told me you had a boyfriend/ Who looked like a girlfriend/ That I had in February of last year.”
“Turn the Page” by Bob Seger
“Most times you can’t hear ‘em talk, other times you can/ All the same old clichés, is that a woman or a man?/ And you always seem outnumbered, you don’t dare make a stand.”
“Walk on the Wild Side” by Lou Reed
“Plucked her eyebrows on the way/ Shaved her legs and then he was a she.”
They say any publicity is good publicity, but you’ve got to wonder. Aside from the Bob Seger song—which is interestingly written in the second person, and largely about feeling like an outcast—the majority of these songs are about transgender prostitutes. The majority of trans characters on TV are cast in a similar way (think Law and Order or CSI). Why do you think this is? What can we do to change it?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Aren't There Only Two Genders?
I love this question.
Gender is a social construct based on assumptions about biological sex. The first assumption is that there are two biological sexes: male and female. The second is that there are two opposing genders, one attached to each sex. The third is that there is a correct way to be one or the other.
First of all, there are more than two sexes. Newsflash! It’s called “intersex,” and it’s estimated that one out of every two thousand children are born with ambiguous genitalia. Usually, this means that the child’s body shows some traits of both binary sexes. Often, a doctor will seek to “fix” this ambiguousness with surgery while the baby is still very young; the idea is that if a biological sex is assigned, the gender socially connected to that sex will be accepted by parent and child alike. We’ll have to explore this topic another time, but suffice it to say, this proved false.
Second: if there are more than two sexes, you’d better believe there are WAY more than two genders. I really hate the terms “opposite sex” or “opposite gender” for this reason. An either-or approach just isn’t practical; how boring would the world be with only two kinds of people in it? There’s nothing wrong with using a binary label, man or woman, to identify with; the issue, and the tough part, is remembering not to label anyone else. There are men and women, but there are also bois and gurls, womyn and burls, genderqueers, genderfucks, drag kings, drag queens, transsexuals, and countless other labels to choose from. Soon, we’ll dedicate a post or twelve just to vocab.
Third: gender rights and wrongs are learned. We are taught at a young age that we must act a certain way to be accepted, based on whether our parents dress us in pink or blue—and we carry that lesson with us all our lives. Some sociologists say we don’t “have” a gender, we “do” a gender. Every single thing you do during your day has the potential to be a gendered action. There’s a feminine way to walk, sit, stand, talk, eat, just as there’s a masculine way to do it. Gender isn’t a trait; it’s a performance, a contest, a game. Luckily for us, the rules are changing.
We’ll explore these ideas a lot more, but for now, I’ve rambled long enough. I’ll leave you with this video to help you get a better idea of the many different genders out there. The video is of a spoken word piece called “3rd Gender” by Kit Yan from the performing group Good Asian Drivers. They’re fantastic and so is this piece. Watch it. Love it. You’re welcome.
Gender is a social construct based on assumptions about biological sex. The first assumption is that there are two biological sexes: male and female. The second is that there are two opposing genders, one attached to each sex. The third is that there is a correct way to be one or the other.
First of all, there are more than two sexes. Newsflash! It’s called “intersex,” and it’s estimated that one out of every two thousand children are born with ambiguous genitalia. Usually, this means that the child’s body shows some traits of both binary sexes. Often, a doctor will seek to “fix” this ambiguousness with surgery while the baby is still very young; the idea is that if a biological sex is assigned, the gender socially connected to that sex will be accepted by parent and child alike. We’ll have to explore this topic another time, but suffice it to say, this proved false.
Second: if there are more than two sexes, you’d better believe there are WAY more than two genders. I really hate the terms “opposite sex” or “opposite gender” for this reason. An either-or approach just isn’t practical; how boring would the world be with only two kinds of people in it? There’s nothing wrong with using a binary label, man or woman, to identify with; the issue, and the tough part, is remembering not to label anyone else. There are men and women, but there are also bois and gurls, womyn and burls, genderqueers, genderfucks, drag kings, drag queens, transsexuals, and countless other labels to choose from. Soon, we’ll dedicate a post or twelve just to vocab.
Third: gender rights and wrongs are learned. We are taught at a young age that we must act a certain way to be accepted, based on whether our parents dress us in pink or blue—and we carry that lesson with us all our lives. Some sociologists say we don’t “have” a gender, we “do” a gender. Every single thing you do during your day has the potential to be a gendered action. There’s a feminine way to walk, sit, stand, talk, eat, just as there’s a masculine way to do it. Gender isn’t a trait; it’s a performance, a contest, a game. Luckily for us, the rules are changing.
We’ll explore these ideas a lot more, but for now, I’ve rambled long enough. I’ll leave you with this video to help you get a better idea of the many different genders out there. The video is of a spoken word piece called “3rd Gender” by Kit Yan from the performing group Good Asian Drivers. They’re fantastic and so is this piece. Watch it. Love it. You’re welcome.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Kids Say The Darndest Things
So, the other day, I took my girlfriend to an appointment. This is not unusual. What was different was hearing the words, “is that a girl?” the second we stepped off the elevator. Being me, I naturally whipped around ready for a fight. I’m a little touchy about these things, you know? Not about the gender of my partner—that’s a whole different story, one I’m sure we’ll get to—but about strangers applying gender labels to people they’ve never even spoken to. When I realized the speaker must have been about seven years old, though, I relaxed considerably.
Little kids have this habit of saying whatever they think; society hasn’t taught them to have a filter yet. Very little kids also tend to act, dress, and play the way they want to—regardless of gender roles. As kids grow, they begin to feel the pressures of society around them; girls start playing house because they want to be like their mothers, while boys play catch outside to get Dad’s attention. Seriously, you can google all kinds of studies on this stuff. People—not just transgender people, either—have been fascinated by children’s abilities to resist social pressures for a very long time. Most sociologists agree that gender-based behaviors are not ingrained; they are learned.
The kid’s mother didn’t really take a stance on the matter. She didn’t explain to her daughter that gender has many forms, but she didn’t use us as an example of the devil’s work, either. I’ll take it as a draw.
I know I’m not the only one who’s ever had experience with a little kid and gender; in fact, I’ve got several stories left to share. But what about you? Have you ever explained a friend’s transition to a five-year-old? Fascinating stuff, isn’t it?
Little kids have this habit of saying whatever they think; society hasn’t taught them to have a filter yet. Very little kids also tend to act, dress, and play the way they want to—regardless of gender roles. As kids grow, they begin to feel the pressures of society around them; girls start playing house because they want to be like their mothers, while boys play catch outside to get Dad’s attention. Seriously, you can google all kinds of studies on this stuff. People—not just transgender people, either—have been fascinated by children’s abilities to resist social pressures for a very long time. Most sociologists agree that gender-based behaviors are not ingrained; they are learned.
The kid’s mother didn’t really take a stance on the matter. She didn’t explain to her daughter that gender has many forms, but she didn’t use us as an example of the devil’s work, either. I’ll take it as a draw.
I know I’m not the only one who’s ever had experience with a little kid and gender; in fact, I’ve got several stories left to share. But what about you? Have you ever explained a friend’s transition to a five-year-old? Fascinating stuff, isn’t it?
Monday, January 4, 2010
Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010
Hooray—the obligatory end/beginning-of-year blog post!
2009 was pretty big for the trans community, I think—maybe not the biggest ever, but still pretty substantial. A bunch of employment and health care cases reached various courts and gained various publicity; some rights were earned, while others are closer than ever to being obtained. ENDA is becoming a reality; affordable transitions are becoming a possibility; murders and assaults committed because of transphobic bigotry are now considered federal hate crimes. Things are changing state-by-state, too. For example, New York just became the seventh state in America to prohibit discrimination based on gender identity in state employment. And come on. Chaz Bono came out!
2010 *should* be a good one too, right? We’re still working towards a lot of things, and the progress may be slow, but we’re closer now than ever before. We need better laws surrounding employment, housing, and education, sure, and maybe even access to public bathrooms; we need to ensure that people are taking ENDA and the hate crimes law seriously; we need better health care; we need to work hard to ensure that gender variance is “normalized” in our society.
The great news is, it’s not just the trans-specific groups working to get us there. For example, GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders) published a “wish list for the coming year” that includes a bullet point that says, “a win in our challenge to the IRS's refusal to allow a transgender woman a tax deduction for her medical care.” We’re getting there—together.
What do YOU think the best part of 2009 was for the transgender community? What are you looking forward to THIS year?
2009 was pretty big for the trans community, I think—maybe not the biggest ever, but still pretty substantial. A bunch of employment and health care cases reached various courts and gained various publicity; some rights were earned, while others are closer than ever to being obtained. ENDA is becoming a reality; affordable transitions are becoming a possibility; murders and assaults committed because of transphobic bigotry are now considered federal hate crimes. Things are changing state-by-state, too. For example, New York just became the seventh state in America to prohibit discrimination based on gender identity in state employment. And come on. Chaz Bono came out!
2010 *should* be a good one too, right? We’re still working towards a lot of things, and the progress may be slow, but we’re closer now than ever before. We need better laws surrounding employment, housing, and education, sure, and maybe even access to public bathrooms; we need to ensure that people are taking ENDA and the hate crimes law seriously; we need better health care; we need to work hard to ensure that gender variance is “normalized” in our society.
The great news is, it’s not just the trans-specific groups working to get us there. For example, GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders) published a “wish list for the coming year” that includes a bullet point that says, “a win in our challenge to the IRS's refusal to allow a transgender woman a tax deduction for her medical care.” We’re getting there—together.
What do YOU think the best part of 2009 was for the transgender community? What are you looking forward to THIS year?
Monday, November 9, 2009
National March for Equality
So, about a month ago, there was a big huge march on Washington for queer rights. People wanted gay marriage legalized, of course, but there were a bunch of other things brought up over and over again—repealing the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy of the army, calling for support for ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act, which would make it illegal to fire transfolk or disabled people on the basis of those traits), and so on. Transgender rights may not have been at the top of the bill, but they were definitely on there, including everything from ENDA to healthcare to further educating the queer community. There were even several transgender or transgender-ally speakers at the rally at the end of the march, although their names escape me because everyone from Judy Shepard to Lady GaGa took a turn at the microphone. It was great to see the National March for Equality be so trans-inclusive.
At least on the surface. Although the organizers certainly did their best to include *everyone*, I couldn’t help but notice some discrepancies in the representation of the queer community that day. Sure, everyone and their mother—literally—had a sign that read “LGBT RIGHTS!” or something to that effect. But how were people reacting to transgender issues REALLY?
A pair of people near me in the beginning of the march started up a chant about not forgetting the T in LGBT. My roommate and I picked it up for a few turns, but no one else did, and the four of us soon died down until the next chant—something about marriage, something that the whole crowd joined in on. What was that about? Was it just my imagination, or were people paying far less attention to the transgender speakers—less fists in the air, less cheers, less rainbow flags waving their approval? The thing that really made the entire issue stand out for me was a kid about my age with a sign with the transgender symbol on it. The sign read simply, “what about me?”
Whether you’ve been a transgender ally for years, or you’re just reading that phrase for the first time today, you’ve probably noticed that transgender issues and ‘gay’ issues are different. Are the communities just different, or are they entirely separate? Is the queer world as inclusive of transgender issues and interests as we would all like to think? Have you ever had an experience that would make you answer these questions one way or the other?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
It's A Boy! It's A Girl! It's a Human Being!
So… seems like all I’ve been posting about lately is depressing and/or full of legal and political jargon. Let’s try to aim for some casual, honest conversation in this post, shall we?
A coworker of mine is having a baby. She and her husband have had two girls, and now they are finally having a little boy to complete their ideal family. That, of course, was exactly what she was hoping for; the chance to raise children that were both male and female. She’s very close to her due date, and of course customers compliment her and ask her questions all the time. Therefore, I constantly hear about how lucky she is to have both boys and girls; how much harder it is to raise one than the other; how many things she’ll have to deal with for one that she won’t have to deal with for the other.
I always want to ask her why it’s so important. Why is it necessary to have both sexes in order to complete the ideal family? Why is the first question asked, about any baby, by any friend or relative, about its sex? Why is the answer to that question always accompanied with images of fresh paint, fuzzy blankets, stuffed animals, pacifiers—that only come in one of two colors? The gendering of a human being starts well before ze is even born. Clothes, name, toys; everything is chosen to suggest the gender of the baby, and with that, the expectations for hir future. Oh, she’s so pretty, what a great smile, she’ll be an actress or a model; oh, his eyes are so bright, he’s going to be smart, he’ll be a doctor or a lawyer. All this before ze realizes ze exists, let alone that ze has hir own identity! By the time ze realizes that, an identity has long been assigned.
Mothers are often offended when a stranger comments that her little boy is pretty or her little girl is handsome. To avoid this, they put tiny pink bows on girls’ heads and tiny blue socks on boys’ feet. They pierce girls’ ears before they can talk; they keep boys’ hair short no matter how hard it is to keep them sitting still.
Isn’t gender a sociological construct? Aren’t the non-physical differences between boys and girls purely created by society? Doesn’t just about everyone complain about sexism? Why, then, do we continue to create it? Why is it so much easier? Your turn. Tell us what you think!
A coworker of mine is having a baby. She and her husband have had two girls, and now they are finally having a little boy to complete their ideal family. That, of course, was exactly what she was hoping for; the chance to raise children that were both male and female. She’s very close to her due date, and of course customers compliment her and ask her questions all the time. Therefore, I constantly hear about how lucky she is to have both boys and girls; how much harder it is to raise one than the other; how many things she’ll have to deal with for one that she won’t have to deal with for the other.
I always want to ask her why it’s so important. Why is it necessary to have both sexes in order to complete the ideal family? Why is the first question asked, about any baby, by any friend or relative, about its sex? Why is the answer to that question always accompanied with images of fresh paint, fuzzy blankets, stuffed animals, pacifiers—that only come in one of two colors? The gendering of a human being starts well before ze is even born. Clothes, name, toys; everything is chosen to suggest the gender of the baby, and with that, the expectations for hir future. Oh, she’s so pretty, what a great smile, she’ll be an actress or a model; oh, his eyes are so bright, he’s going to be smart, he’ll be a doctor or a lawyer. All this before ze realizes ze exists, let alone that ze has hir own identity! By the time ze realizes that, an identity has long been assigned.
Mothers are often offended when a stranger comments that her little boy is pretty or her little girl is handsome. To avoid this, they put tiny pink bows on girls’ heads and tiny blue socks on boys’ feet. They pierce girls’ ears before they can talk; they keep boys’ hair short no matter how hard it is to keep them sitting still.
Isn’t gender a sociological construct? Aren’t the non-physical differences between boys and girls purely created by society? Doesn’t just about everyone complain about sexism? Why, then, do we continue to create it? Why is it so much easier? Your turn. Tell us what you think!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Another Transgender Murder...
Another couple of transgender stabbings, one resulting in a death, in Washington DC—and this on the tail of the Lateisha Green situation. I don’t know much about the Washington case yet; a friend sent me a link to this short newspaper article. We’ll definitely have to talk about the Lateisha Green trial in a future post; there’s much more information floating around about that.
The sad fact is, transgender people are harassed, assaulted, or worse every day. This shouldn’t be happening, and someday, the senseless hurting and killing of transgender people everywhere is going to be a thing of the past. In the meantime, though, we have to do what we can to keep our transfolk, and ourselves, as safe as possible.
There’s a phrase that comes up time and again at transgender-related meetings, in public speeches, and during various transgender events (especially Day of Remembrance): pray for the dead, and fight like hell for the living. Every time something this horrible happens is of course a huge setback, an utterly unnecessary death, and another unique and beautiful life ended too soon. There is always a silver lining, though; in the face of such tragedies as these, our community can come together, support one another, and work even harder to find ways to stop these needless attacks from occurring again.
Talking about it won’t save those we’ve lost, but raising awareness may help us to prevent these kinds of tragedies from affecting our community in the future. What are some ways that you can protect yourself in the event of an attack? Have you ever taken a self-defense course, or do you carry some form of protection (a weapon, pepper spray, a whistle)? Are the transgender or gender variant people in your life similarly prepared?
How are you honoring those we have lost? How are you going to continue to 'fight like hell' for the rights and safety of the living that remain behind to honor them?
The sad fact is, transgender people are harassed, assaulted, or worse every day. This shouldn’t be happening, and someday, the senseless hurting and killing of transgender people everywhere is going to be a thing of the past. In the meantime, though, we have to do what we can to keep our transfolk, and ourselves, as safe as possible.
There’s a phrase that comes up time and again at transgender-related meetings, in public speeches, and during various transgender events (especially Day of Remembrance): pray for the dead, and fight like hell for the living. Every time something this horrible happens is of course a huge setback, an utterly unnecessary death, and another unique and beautiful life ended too soon. There is always a silver lining, though; in the face of such tragedies as these, our community can come together, support one another, and work even harder to find ways to stop these needless attacks from occurring again.
Talking about it won’t save those we’ve lost, but raising awareness may help us to prevent these kinds of tragedies from affecting our community in the future. What are some ways that you can protect yourself in the event of an attack? Have you ever taken a self-defense course, or do you carry some form of protection (a weapon, pepper spray, a whistle)? Are the transgender or gender variant people in your life similarly prepared?
How are you honoring those we have lost? How are you going to continue to 'fight like hell' for the rights and safety of the living that remain behind to honor them?
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Self-Expression: America's Pastime
This morning, you woke up and got ready for work or school- whichever it was that was going to occupy your life for the next few hours. You might have showered, and spent some time in the mirror fixing up your hair. Your hair may be its natural color, or it may be dyed- black to hide your age, purple to show off your spirit, auburn to complement your complexion. Whether your hair is dyed or not, it is most certainly cut a certain way- short to keep it out of the way, long to show off its natural bounce. It may be permed, layered, styled, or in dreads. Whatever it is, it looks that way because you want it to; your hair is a reflection of your style, and your style is a reflection of yourself. That’s why you checked it at least once in the mirror today.
Besides your hairstyle is, of course, your wardrobe. Fashion is really a fascinating aspect of American society; no two people, it seems, own the same shirt, and if they do they wear it in utterly different ways. The way you dress is also a reflection of yourself; how professional you are, or how playful; how creative, or how traditional; how flashy, or how conservative. For many of us, the actual clothing is just the beginning of our wardrobe; we must then find the right shoes and accessories, which can range from a simple necklace or tie to fourteen piercings and four shades of eyeshadow.
America is in love with self-expression. Admit it; you want a tattoo. You know someone, who knows someone, who got silicone horns implanted in his forehead, or a raised music note added to the back of her hand. You probably know that “getting a cutting done” refers to getting a professional to cut a design into the skin so that the healed marks make a statement for years to come. At the very least- if any or all of these ideas shock you- you’re disappointed when the cashier at the grocery store doesn’t have stickers all over hir nametag.
Self-expression through physical appearance. We all do it. Some of us spend embarrassing amounts of time and money on it.
So why- in a culture obsessed with originality, body modification, standing out, and hair dye- why is it so hard to be a person whose gender expression does not quite match hir birth-assigned physical sex?
Besides your hairstyle is, of course, your wardrobe. Fashion is really a fascinating aspect of American society; no two people, it seems, own the same shirt, and if they do they wear it in utterly different ways. The way you dress is also a reflection of yourself; how professional you are, or how playful; how creative, or how traditional; how flashy, or how conservative. For many of us, the actual clothing is just the beginning of our wardrobe; we must then find the right shoes and accessories, which can range from a simple necklace or tie to fourteen piercings and four shades of eyeshadow.
America is in love with self-expression. Admit it; you want a tattoo. You know someone, who knows someone, who got silicone horns implanted in his forehead, or a raised music note added to the back of her hand. You probably know that “getting a cutting done” refers to getting a professional to cut a design into the skin so that the healed marks make a statement for years to come. At the very least- if any or all of these ideas shock you- you’re disappointed when the cashier at the grocery store doesn’t have stickers all over hir nametag.
Self-expression through physical appearance. We all do it. Some of us spend embarrassing amounts of time and money on it.
So why- in a culture obsessed with originality, body modification, standing out, and hair dye- why is it so hard to be a person whose gender expression does not quite match hir birth-assigned physical sex?
Monday, June 9, 2008
Transgender Pride March: Alienating Allies?
The first annual Transgender Pride March was last Saturday. The parade itself was amazing- hundreds of gender variant people and their allies marching together; people of all genders, races, ages, religions- it was wonderful. The rally afterward started out as uplifting and all-inclusive, too. Speeches were made about not leaving our members who are of minority races, homeless, “different-abled,” and other minority statuses, behind us as we push towards equality. After those speeches about inclusion and progress, however, came others- speakers who focused on what we had left to do and, worse, who to blame. Speeches focused on the gay and lesbian “backlash” the GLB community had given the T community, and boldly stated that today a transgender movement would start that did not include or need the GLB civil rights movement or anyone affiliated. I sat in my chair, stunned and hurt; I had called out of work and crossed state lines to be here, and was being told, over and over, that I wasn’t needed or even wanted. Why? Because I was a lesbian, not a transsexual. That’s right- the spokespeople for the transgender community that day were judging our non-transgender allies based on the way their gender identities corresponded to their biological sexes. I thought, am I really so wrong, offensive, and unnecessary because I identify as a woman and have female parts?
The emcee tried to make it better. “Who here identifies as transgender? Who doesn’t but is here to support someone they love? How about a round of applause for those people, huh?” It was an obvious rescue attempt but it was a good one; the problem came when, after that, the accusations kept on coming and kept getting worse.
I felt betrayed by a friend; I felt embarrassed being there, like I’d crashed the party. As the speeches increased in venom towards the gay community, I found I couldn’t take it anymore- we went out for ice cream and missed the performance of All The King’s Men, which, I’m sure, was stellar as always.
How does everyone feel about this? Has this feeling of alienation ever happened to you? What did you do?
The emcee tried to make it better. “Who here identifies as transgender? Who doesn’t but is here to support someone they love? How about a round of applause for those people, huh?” It was an obvious rescue attempt but it was a good one; the problem came when, after that, the accusations kept on coming and kept getting worse.
I felt betrayed by a friend; I felt embarrassed being there, like I’d crashed the party. As the speeches increased in venom towards the gay community, I found I couldn’t take it anymore- we went out for ice cream and missed the performance of All The King’s Men, which, I’m sure, was stellar as always.
How does everyone feel about this? Has this feeling of alienation ever happened to you? What did you do?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
